A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been with my current boyfriend for 7 months and everything has been going amazingly, but I just found out I have genital warts. I know that HPV can be in the system for quite a long time before breakouts occur, so I'm not worried about him having cheated on me at all.The last sexual partner I had was 10 months before I met my current boyfriend, so the timing does seem to point to the idea that he gave this to me, rather than the other way round. There is no surefire way to tell who gave it to who and, regardless, as I have it and we've been sleeping together for the past 7 months, he is very unlikely not to have it. My question is: how do I tell him? He has no visible symptoms and there are no health implications for him, so at least I have that on my side. I'm feeling really ashamed of this at the moment and I'm worried he'll think of me differently after I tell him. Any advice you could give would be appreciated. Thanks.
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cheated on me, genital warts Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 I thought I would post a link with further info about HPV and Men's Health.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv-and-men.htm
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers guys. As RedAthena suggested I just sat him down, told him straight and after some pretty concerned facial expressions on his part, he was ok. We had a chat about what it all meant then we carried on with our evening. I'm still a little worried it's all going to hit him at some point but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess.Another point I'd just like to raise, though. I think some of the agony aunts might want to watch what they say and how they say it. Some of the advice I was given here was pretty judgemental and some was just medically inaccurate. The type of HPV that causes genital warts is not the type that causes cancer. There is no reliable test for HPV in men. People post on here because they are having a hard time, need advice and maybe don't have anyone they can go to offline. I found the tone taken and assumptions made about the fact I would completely disregard the health of my current and past partners pretty offensive, to be honest.I know this is an open forum, and I should be prepared for what ever replies come my way, but I thought you might want to know that some of the replies here actually bothered me more than the thought of telling my boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): You just tell him OP. He will be pissed that he may have it but he may not have it. He won't know until he's tested. There's a huge misconception that if you sleep with a person with HPV you definitely catch it, that's not true. But for obvious reasons that's not exactly promoted.
OP you need to not only tell him but your previous partners too, your doctor will be able to give you a time frame. Regardless of what your current relationship is to them, your doctor has probably told you about your HPV type and whether it's one of the high risk cancerous ones. If not then you'll want to find all that stuff out. Certain types of HPV infection are the cause of pretty much all cases of cervical cancer. If you do indeed have that type then it's very important you inform your past partners and your current boyfriend too ASAP.
OP while you may be certain he hasn't cheated be prepared for the possibility he may suspect that you have.
You should tell him today OP, the longer you leave it the more pissed he'll be, don't have sex until you have told him either.
Look it sucks, but hopefully you have the type that clears up easily and isn't a risk of cancer.
If you could explain to him the type you have, the treatment etc and have all that ready for him then it will definitely help.
As regards you, make sure you're well informed about it for yourself. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_papillomavirus
Your doctor would have probably told you what type you have or would have probably said if you were at risk if that's not the case then double check, if you haven't booked a pap smear or had one then perhaps you may want just in case.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 May 2011):
 He probably does have it. But it doesn't matter, you really have to tell him. I know it's embarrassing, but he could have just as easily given it to you. You never know who had it first. He needs to know so he can pass on that information to any future sexual partners as well, since it can cause cancer and/or infertility in women.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 May 2011):
Actually you COULD give it to him. You discovered you can have the virus without the symptoms. He could pass it on to others as well.
He needs to know and make an INFORMED choice.
I would get some information on HPV (Your Doctor can give you a pamphet or you can see reliable info online).
Let him know as soon as possible. He may not think much of you, but at least you will have done the right thing.
Wait for a good time to talk and tell him, "BF, I need to tell you something important and I am very nervous and afraid this will effect our relationship, but you have a right to know. I went to the Doctor and found out I have HPV. Let him know what it is, what it looks like, what risks there are, etc.
HE should be tested and you should NOT have unprotected sex.
Best Wishes.
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