A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone. I am baffled as to why an ex of mine has said that she missed talking to me.I honestly have no idea, as all I can say is, when she dumped me, she and I agreed to take quite a bit of time away from each other. We were both ok with it.However, as soon as we started talking to each other, again, she said that comment, that baffled me. "I missed talking to you, and I am so sorry I hurt you." . I know for a fact she doesn't want me as her boyfriend - she made it quite clear that I am NOT a compatible match, for her. I have abandonded all feelings of love for her - it is futile. However, I am still baffled as to why she said that confusing comment.Any insight shall be appreciated.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 I don't think you should exactly "run ", that would be a rather quaint overreaction.
I think it would be enough if, in case she approaches you, you'd be coldly polite and cut it short. " Hi, good morning to you too- gotta go now ".
Snubbing is often as powerful as a kick in the backside :)
As for being able to defend yourself from physical attacks, well, if you HAVE to do that ( although I think you won't have as many occasions to do that as you seem to fear ) it's a good thing and legitimate too, but use common sense. "Being interrupted during a date " by a jealous rival, for instance, does not justify starting a brawl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the case of the ego boost, I sure don't provide that to her, anymore. Thank Goodness.
I really do not want to talk to the ex. Should I run from her, if she tries to initiate a conversation?
I see. Well, you never know. There might be some jealous guy that interrupts me on a date, acts threateningly, and attacks. In those cases, I want to be up to snuff, in terms of performance. If I can justify self-defense, I am automatically pardoned, should it ever get to court. Although, I could press charges against anyone who attacks me. That way, I can feel the Justice.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 November 2012):
I wouldn't think you have gotten her to any particular breaking point and I think she is and was exactly at the point where she wants to be : with her new bf, and the ex ( you ) available for when she needs a distraction or an ego boost.
If you said you are not going to talk to her any more- then be true to your word and do not talk to her any more. So if she has an ape as a bf, you won't give him an excuse for going, well, ape on you. Mind you, I am not telling you : be a wuss and live in fear, in fact , if this ex was someone who adds value to your life, I'd tell you to stand your ground. But, what's the point anyway to stay "friends" with an ex- and this kind of drama-spreading ex ? You'll never move on if you cling to this so called friendship !
As for the self defense classes, take them for yourself , if it's something that interests you and could give you more self confidence. Not because you'll need to physically combat jealous rivals, that's improbbale if you choose the right kind of level headed, drama free girls. And anyway, I don't think that being seen as an alpha male by your peers is worth a charge for assault and battery ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see. I just hope I haven't gotten to her to that point, when I told her I no longer wanted to talk to her.
I still feel like self defense classes will do me a world of good, as if I get a girlfriend, and make a few guys jealous, I need to defend myself, as cops hardly ever respond to situations like that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 November 2012):
People don't stay mad forever...a heated confrontation, in a moment when emotions are out of control, does not mean lifelong hatred....
Anyway, you don't need to have any heated confrontation :) or no confrontation at all , either with her or with her bf... you just need to keep your distance, and move on. If you make a genuine effort, you'll see that pretty soon you won't care at all if she is heated, lukewarm or freezing cold....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason it is bothering me is because our discussion when she dumped me was quite heated. Just a month ago, we couldn't even look at each other. And, now, she tells me that she missed talking to me. Yet, she has a buffoon of a boyfriend that goes ahead and start falsely accusing me of harassing her?
I think I'm going to need to take self-defense classes, in case of a heated confrontation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (2 November 2012):
Your update introduces another " maybe "- maybe she is a liar, and does not mean what she says. She says it just to look good , because it's the PC thing to say, , or to make herself feel good and get read of any sense of guilt for having treated you poorly.
If she is all around not believable ... Some people just like to bullshit for the heck of it, you know.
Anyway, yes, why are you even splittting hairs about that ? If you have decided you need to move on- thenmove on firmly , and do not get stuck with the hows and whys- what difference do they make ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): As a guy about the same age, who was ALSO desperately in "love" a few times. Let me tell you this: it's a just a phase, men tend to get their hopes up over little things; AND women tend to like to keep men running after them. 1 advice: get over her, it's the best thing any man could ever do.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 November 2012):
Couldn't she be simply telling the truth...? she missed talking to you- AND she does not want you as a boyfriend .
Why, do you only talk to your SO ?...
Maybe you are a great conversationalist , or you have a great sense of humour, or you are good at comforting her and giving her advice.
Maybe she just misses the habit, if you get used to talk to the same person , say, every night at 9 for one year, you'll miss your little ritual even if you don't want to date that person.
Maybe she feels lonely, or she just enjoyed the attention.
There might be dozens of " maybes ", anyway personally I don't find it such a strange comment at all. If people even bother to stay friendly with an ex, that must mean that there are aspects of the ex , and of the relationship they shared, that he/she still appreciates- just, out of a romantic or sexual context.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy would she miss me in any form, however? Let's just say it was an ugly part of my life, when we were breaking off. I've abandoned my friendship with her, as she had lied about everything. Her credibility is questionable.
I have left her behind, ever since the last conversation with her. However, she has a new guy, and he says I've been bothering her, which I have NOT been doing.
To quote my ex's new guy exactly: "Leave her alone! You're annoying her!" . Yet, I've said nothing to her.
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