A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, first time here, although I have read the site abit searching for cases similar to mine.Some background information on what basically lead to the situation I'm in. It's about my friend. I'm an introvert, and while not to extremes (I talk to people, but theres a clear line between acquaintances and friends), I have difficulty trusting people (Again, not extremely, but just with personal information.) In my school, I found a group of friends who share my values and have similar interests. It was great, and quite possibly the best time I ever had in my life. My ex also joined the group, and at the time we weren't together. I'm an overthinker, and I think about things way too much, which caused problems between me and her. I was aware that she liked me, but was having difficulties committing. This friend of mine, a girl, became my advisor, as my guy friends usually come up with nothing more than what I have already thought of, and she has better understanding of girl thinking. She helped me iron out our problems, and we started a relationship. Due to the myriad of problems we encountered, I became really close with this friend, and she became, in my mind, my first "best" friend.My relationship ended about 2 months ago and it was due to my ex having to move out of the country, and it was difficult to maintain a relationship across an ocean. We were still sorting out our problems, and I felt/feared it would cause even more problems. I am also closing in on graduation, and the place I'm planning to go is not anywhere close to her. I honestly didn't want to end it so fast, but I didn't know what will happen, and my friend told me it was better to end it early, before things get bad and I have to break up over skype/mail which is never pleasant.Anywho, I was hurt from the separation, and overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts on why i should and shouldn't get back together with her. My only outlet became my friend once again. She told me to hold through when it got tough,and I slowly got over it. However, I find myself falling for this friend instead! I forgot to mention, but she's taken. In fact, she was in a relationship far longer than I am, with another friend of mine in my "group". They have a good relationship, a bit of a "dream" relationship to most who know them, although I know it's not all smooth. I have started my relationship aiming to have something similar to them, which could be why my relationship was so rocky and ran into so many problems. They've recently graduated and moved to different parts of the globe, maintaining a long distance relationship.So, basically, I've always been kinda attracted to her, but I've forced her off my radar because she's taken. Recent events got me pretty shook up, and she's always been there for me. I don't want to destroy my friend's relationship, but I'm losing sleep over her. What should I do? She's visiting soon (She's out of the country studying) and I find myself aiming for similar locations to where she is studying. I know it's not good, but she's the first girl I've ever trusted with all my personal information, and I've even thought of her as marriage material(I'm very young, but It "felt" that she is the right one) I know it's too early for me to even think about marriage, but I've never felt so..."right" with anyone else before... I don't want to destroy my relation with my friend (her bf) but she's gonna be around and I don't know what I should do!sorry about the long paragraphs, but I wanted to supply as much information as possible.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 There really is not a lot you can do here. You let this girl in and trusted her and now you are falling for her, it is a very dangerous path to go down. Please do not go looking to moving closer to her, you both need distance between each other at the moment. She sees you as a friend, but by the sounds of things she is happy with her relationship. You need to keep reminding yourself that she is a friend and no more. You need to put some distance between you both to give you some space and time to get over your feelings for her.
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