A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone...Well the story goes...I've been with my boyfriend since I was in my early teens... I've always loved him and we moved in together right away. Well here I am years later feeling extremely neglected and insecure. This relationship has been like a crazy roller coaster since it began! In the beginning it seemed loving, sweet, etc and as time went on and we lived together we both got violent physically and verbally... bad... finally we calmed down. Well then here we are now in my mid 20s and things have never been worse! As I've grown up I've learned violence is not the answer, and have become more calm especially in the 'insult' department where as he has gotten much worse. Setting him off is as easy as looking at him the wrong way. No I'm not exaggerating.I don't want to be intimate with him because of how he makes me feel... the insults are so harsh to the point I literally think I'm the most disgusting and dumb human being on the face of this planet. I used to be happy and out going and now I'm a hermit terrified of going near anyone afraid they'll judge me too. Well I tried to get along with my boyfriend and then randomly he started going out repeatedly with friends and locked down his phone/computer anything he could. He turned sour, and only ever talked to me if he wanted to be intimate. He was constantly out drinking and hanging out with people I had never even met, still to this day I've never met any of them other than one guy friend he works with. He's always LIED but now he's gotten much worse...! I asked him one day where he's going and he said 'blah blah blah here there' I'm like oh ok, well then I found out he lied about that when I called to see if the person he claimed to hang out with was at work that day and he was. Finally he admitted it and said he didn't want me mad etc...He has seriously become a compulsive liar and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. He says he loves me, and never would cheat on me and gets SO MAD when I accuse him for that but here we are months later and I'm just finding out when he went out other girls were present where at the time he denied none being out with him and his friend. I find myself looking them up constantly on facebook and seeing how pretty they are etc and wondering what he really did all that time he went out. He'd talk so badly about me to his co workers that they all think I'm a lunatic bc they don't hear my side of the story, to them I'm a crazy jealous witch who controls him when all I wanted was the truth on where he was going and with who. I never said he couldn't go out!I've been with this person half my life almost, literally and never in my life have I ever imagined he'd treat me this way. I mean if I question anything he literally fights horribly with me, and now days he'll throw crap at me leaving marks, or tell me what a pathetic fat nasty disgusting person I am. I mean I'm no angel but like I said I've grown up since we met and I rarely insult him at all even when he starts saying the crap he does!To sum this up... we've been together quite a while, we used to be violent now as years passed he's the violent one (Verbally and physically)... first year since we met he actually spent the summer out drinking with friends constantly and began lying and locking down all his information and promises he wouldn't cheat however FREAKS OUT literally if I dare question anything. (He has a history of lying over dumb things, like smoking, who he talked to, etc). All of a sudden at the end of summer after I got back from a trip he cried and we have somewhat gotten along since. Much more... and I have a bit more access to his stuff. But I just don't get what went on during the summer...My question is... why did he get much worse over the years? Why was he so suspicious and lying all the time this summer and freaking out when I asked what he did? He was still expecting sex constantly, so it wasn't like he was withholding that at all. I'm so confused and honestly kind of unsure what advice I'm looking for exactly but I hope some of you will read this and just tell me your opinions.And I know it's unhealthy to be in a relationship like this, trust me I know it too well. I really mostly just want advice and opinions on why he is this way now... especially over the summer... please help me! :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): I have an almost identical issue... The violence, the unpredictable snapping over the littlest things (I used to find myself doing the same when it comes to snapping, unfortunately), the 'keeping the privacy as it should be' and so on... And I cannot really tell you why things are the way they are (I wish I knew it by myself), but I certainly know that second, third, and nth chances do not work, and things can only get worse. I am currently sorting out my new accommodation and moving into my very own flat. I could not bring up kids in this environment and expecting that some day this will change is just way too naive.
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