A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear all Please help and advise.My BF and I have been having some problems of late, so to give myself and him some space, I took a short vacation during which time I did not take his calls. he constantly called me, and when I got home I called him back. Things were ok and we have seen each other , but before this he seemed to have no time for me which was one of my issues with him. Since I have come back, he has calmed down and spends his time indoors, and I saw him last weekend for the first time in a long while. we had a nice time. However, I want to know why it has taken me to back right off for him to start coming forward and doing the right thing? what was he playing at before? and also, it seems this is the only thing he responds to - me going off?. I can't really operate on this level and have told him that. Last weekend he was very attentive and seemed scared of losing me, as he knows I have had enough of his slefish ways. I do not buy into his attention seeking games anymore, and just go off and do my own thing these days. I do love him, but why has it taken me to shock him like this for him to start behaving? what is going on with him? I can;t keep it up forever. Thanks xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for your answers. I don;t get this guy at all. He calls and calls when he does not hear from me, and gets panicky and anxious. Either way I look at it, I am sick of it, and am cutting all contact. I am tired of having to play cool all the time just to get a reaction out of him or any attention. He messes me around constantly, and yes he is clever, as he has worked it so that I am always on my toes and not sure where I'm at. it really is very very wearing. I have noticed a change in him since I have backed off, but not change enough. I give up. I'm going to move on and find someone else - xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): If you have only seen him once,last weekend, after a long gap then its not really a relationship. You have also had a vacation alone and not spoken to him.Couples in a relationship do not have long gaps betwen seeing each other unless its for valid reasons like LDR or work.They take their partners calls when they are away too.
This just sounds like a game of cat and mouse,he wants you 'available' to him and you need his attention. Thats not how couples are.Your his back burner woman and he reels you back in when he considers your losing interest.All very tedious when your an adult.
I don't think he has any psychological problems or relationship issues,he's very clever in fact and he has got you right where he wants you. He may be a challenge to you,no doubt you love him,but don't expect wedding bells with this one. He will marry some day, but not you.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 It's not a strange question at all. I see that all the time. He has a problem keeping up with the demands of a relationship more than you have a hard time keeping up with games. Reason why women head back in the game is because these men are a challenge and are usually more fun than the men who will stick around. I would say men who can't handle a relationship have problems, like a personality or a medical problem. They know they can't have a long relationship with someone without breaking up, so they are at the mercy of women like you taking them back or they are at risk of being single forever. Actually no, a lot of women get sucked into these games, believed their empty promises, but then these on and off relationships don't make anyone happy, and they don't make miserable less miserable. Also a reason you stay is because you want to figure these men out, like taking abnormal psychology 101, until there is nothing to understand and you give up trying to understand these men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): That's a bit of a strange question really OP, I would have thought his behaviour is quite obvious seeing as "playing hard to get" works so well.
I don't know what it is OP but when you're putting in a lot of effort people really don't seem that bothered, they get used to having you around and get lazy and then when you start becoming distant, stop putting in the effort all of a sudden they can't get enough of you.
This just looks like the usual thing where a person isn't all that bothered with you until you start to walk away and then they suddenly want you again they suddenly put in the effort to have you only to go back into the same lazy pattern after a while once they've realized they have you again.
You're right to be suspicious, people like that are generally very flaky and unreliable, it becomes a pattern where you think they're back to being a person who desires you and pays you attention only for them to get lazy again.
I could be wrong and he could just be stepping up once he realized you had enough but I wouldn't count on it.
Give it a bit of time and see what happens, I'd bet my house that as soon as things get comfortable again he'll lose interest in contacting you and stuff. I've had a few relationships like that and they're so much work that I never found it to be worth it.
I know from my better relationships that interest doesn't wane that much, there's always a need to be in contact with the other person just to hear their voice and talk crap. When you have to go cold to make a person show interest then that's usually a pattern that has to be repeated every few weeks or months and that's far too taxing to be fun.
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