A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I did something really stupid, it's a typical issue really. I slept with this guy, I'm 18 and he's in his early 40's. We get on really well, we work together and he used to make me feel special, he would hang out with me, hug me etc. we kissed on several occassion, but I always refused to sleep with him. I came home after a weekend away but this time I didnt say no. we slept together and yeah it was good.Now, it's completely different. he doesn't do all the cute little things he used to. I know I've been used. (his gf lives in Hungary and I only found this out after I slept with him) I guess he was just after some fun.I'm not looking for a relationship with him, that would just be stupid. But why do I let people do this to me? Why do I let people treat me like this? I supose I felt lonely, but even so..this is low for me!!! He got what he wanted from me and now treats me the same as he does everyone else. How do I make sure this doesn't happen again?? I dont think I could resist him again :/ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 What do you mean, you couldn't resist him again? Do you not have any control over your actions?
Is this an alcohol problem, as in, "I drank too much and we got it on"? Or is this a case of you needing attention and so desperate to get it you think sleeping with him is a good idea?
Decide not to sleep with him and then don't. I don't understand what is so hard about that? Make a choice and stick to it. Practice saying no. Say no out loud over and over in front of a mirror. Learn to say it without smiling or looking sheepish. No no no no, thank you, no no no NO NO NO NOOOO no no no no no no no. You get the idea.
If you are in an adult world but are in over your head, perhaps it would be best to find a job that won't put you in the position that you feel you have to sleep with co-workers. "How do I make sure it doesn't happen again?" Um, don't go drinking with him, don't hang out with him, don't expect cute things from him. Do your job and get out of there. Is it really that hard? If it is, I think it's probably a good sign you need some professional counseling.
"Just say no." Practice.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Instead of being mad at yourself, you should have a little anger towards him. After all he took full advantage of you and your youth, old pig!
Now you know that he is a dirty old guy who just wants to get into your pants, and that he has a GF, don't tell me you can't resist a jerk like that?
Cheer up hun, we all make mistakes. Some we learn from and never reapeat. Hopefully you won't do a repeat "performace" with this guy, mostly for your own sake.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 You never done anything wrong, he knew the right things to say to get you in to bed. Some men are very good at this so I wouldn't cut yourself up over it. He knew exactly what he was doing. Am afraid he only saw you as a fresh bit of meat though, someone to have a bit of fun with while his girlfriend is away. Am sorry that you had to be the one to be caught up on this. What worries me is that you say you don't think you would be able to resist it happening again, this worries me because you now know that he already has a girlfriend and he just used you for sex. You should be angry and annoyed at him and really you need to keep your distance from him. If you allow him to use you it will eat away at your confidence and make you feel useless. You need to see that you deserve better than that and stay away from him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I guess you don't need anyone to cement your acknowledging (finally) that you were an idiot to put out for this guy....
Here's my suggestion...... 1. Decide that you are never going to put out for this guy - or anybody like him - ever again...... then, 2. Put this incident behind you and go out and continue your life.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Jenna101 +, writes (11 November 2011):
I think you need to chalk it up as something to learn from. Recognise that he is very much unavailable to you and that all that this relationship will be will be pretty much on a purely sexual basis. Unless a casual relationship is all you want, I would say that you walk away now with your head held high.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Counselling. I think you have some inner issues as to why you have low self esteem and why any man's attention is enough for you to give them something they are undeserving of.Out of curiousity, both parents at home? Do feel you get enough love and support at home?I ask this as most teens that come from a home that does not have adequate love, support tend to be easier mislead or misread attention/affection as LOVE when clearly it is not.So counselling will give you the tools to better read people and their honest and nobel intentions over those who are untrustworthy.It all starts with you and you certainly have the right attitude to become a healthier, stronger you that will make healthier, wiser decisions.*hugs*Hang In There.
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