A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids,I have lots of questions. Okay, so I have told a girl I like her and want to be be more than just friends. However, she told me she treat me like a 'brother', a person she can talk to. She said she don't want and not wanting to have a relationship and she also replied "For now, no." This message left me dangling in mid air, like do I still have a chance in the future or is she trying to shake me off with nice words? Help me!I told my buddy about it and he advice me to move on. His reasoning is, even if I put in tons of effort and time, I may not get the results I want. I've planted my thoughts/feelings on her and let time do its work. I understand what he trying to tell me. I don't know what should I do?? My feelings are still strong. Either way, it hurts... On Thursday, we finally meetup with a bunch of friends and hang out for the first time after I've confessed. We're still friends basically, like no awkwardness or anything. I was myself the whole time and she too. We still laugh at jokes, share stories like we used to be. It was as though nothing had happened, which re-enforce me thinking I still got chance because she may really doesn't want a relationship now. That dilemma! I don't know how should I treat her in the future? Continue to be her friend or should I distant myself a little to move on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): You are CLEARLY in the "Friend Zone." Read about it, understand, cope with it, and move on to another girl.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): I think you should distance yourself a little. Sure you can be can meet up and hang out in a group with your other friends but don't try to be her BEST friend.... don't rush to her side whenever she needs support and don't listen to all her problems or try to sort them out. Avoid having long one-to-one conversations with her (whether face-to-face or via phone/text/email) unless you really have something to arrange.
Behaviour like that will simply reinforce to her that you are "like a brother" rather than like a boyfriend - especially as she's already mentioned that she regards you in a brotherly way already.
I think her "for now" comment she made after you asked her out was a way of cushioning the blow.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (13 October 2013):
I know it seems like she is dangling it in the air, but she was just being nice while still trying to reject you. Basically she does not have any feelings for you whatsoever. In fact, if you wait and put in tons of effort and stick around, she will never consider you more than a friend. I've been in this situation before in many different ways.
If you want a small chance of being with this girl, you have to let her come to you. You have to stop being there for her all the time whenever she needs. It is not about creating distance. It is more about simply moving on while still being yourself and hopefully she will see you for who you are. Or she doesn't see you and maybe another girl will.
At the same time, don't hate her for her decision and do not disrespect her. Consider that you she may end up with someone else and you will have to see this. Do not wait for someone who does not see you the same way you see them. Your friend is 100% correct so do listen to him.
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