A
female
age
51-59,
*utchgirl
writes:ok my ex boyfriend of 6 years when we met we were both 45 it’s weird cause I just had a broke up wasn’t looking and he was on Facebook I didn’t wanta like him I had just lost a lot of weight cause I had my first child only child so I was very awkward about sex dating getting hurt he didn’t really know this cause I didn’t tell him anyways we hit it off hard we were all in love I mean he loved my daughter to it was the happiest I’d been in so long ! After a couple of years and I looked awesome perfect body face blonde hair we looked good together and was sweet as pie to him we were like best friends and lovers he started vanishing for months then coming back blaming me no fighting’s he’d just ghost me I let this happen 8 times and the last time was this March I sent him a watch and so some other gifts cause I’m just like that ok he freaked out and told me he threw the watch in the trash I was so hurt! I mean who dose that? I never heard from him again I don’t know if he got the other things I sent it was stuff he was asking me about teeth whiting a tense unit a small one cause he has a bad hip he wanted some good cologne I sent that to I don’t wanta sound stupid first thought was he’s trying to look good for another girl? Now his dad died a mutual friend told me it was awkward I wanted to ask more questions cause I’m still not over him I’m 51 it’s hard with a little girl with autism ok why would someone do this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): He threw an expensive gift in the trash? Do your honestly believe him?
That speaks volumes as to where he's coming. Pardon the term, but you're his cash-cow!
Here's what I think. I venture to guess that he takes advantage of your naivete, and manipulates your infatuation. He ghosts you to make you miss him like crazy, creating a craving like a junky for a drug. He gets that dopamine pumping by contacting you out of the blue; and strokes your ego. Probably tells you how beautiful you are; and butters up your little girl the very same way. As you said, he vanishes; and then asks you for things. Bashing your feelings, by telling you he's throwing them away. That's definitely psychological-manipulation!
Hello! That's how a narcissist behaves. Builds you up, and then rips your heart out. Stomps on it a few times, stabs a sharp stick in it, and then hands it back to you. It also seems like a player's game. He has other women in other places. Every single one of them are just like you!
Sugar mamas! All willing to please and begging for his attention!
His description is just too much like a gigolo, a low-life hustler, or a wannabee playboy! Let me guess...is he several years younger than you?
It's time to get your act together and comedown off cloud 9. You're on a vanity tour! Your imaginary love-life is getting the better of you. He's a pig!
By the next time you hear from him; make sure you have all the legal gears in motion to collect child-support. Stop wasting your money. Don't send him anything but legal documents to notify him to pay his child-support. If he's the biological-father, that is!
Oh, by the way...yes, I most definitely believe there is another woman (maybe women) out there. He disappears for months; because he's living a double-life. Avoiding financial responsibility for the child (if she's his); and milking you for whatever he can get out of you. He didn't throw the watch in the trash, he sold or pawned it.
The watch is probably sitting in a drawer along with all the other things you've given him; and he's messing with your head. He can see you're out there in fantasy-land.
My dear, time to snap out of it. Act your age, and stop being played like a cheap fiddle. It's undignified, and too far beneath you. The soap opera melodrama is unbecoming.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): Female Anon here again. Need to edit my comment...
It should have read that I took a vacation from the autism.
These tiny keypads on mobile phones are such a pain sometimes!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): Hi sweetie. Big hugs. This guy is an asshole and he doesn't deserve you. I know how hard it is. I've got a son with autism. I got involved with a married man to numb the pain and as a form of escape. He wasn't the best choice but I took a vacation from the sutsm when I was with him. Could you be feeling the same way with this guy?
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (10 June 2018):
 Once you give someone a gift, you can't control what they do with it. You found out he has been throwing your gifts away; the best approach to this would be to stop giving him gifts...simple.He's made it clear he's a piece of shit. He could even have a mental illness.Why are you NOT over him? Give your gifts and yourself to someone who actually cares.All the best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 June 2018):
 No no, don't ask any more questions. You may not be iver him yet, but you need, need real bad to get over him , and the first step is to cross him off your life for good , filed under " it seemed a good idea at the time but it was not ".
Why did he throw the warch away ? Uhm. He °told° you that he did. Maybe he did , maybe he did not ( scroungers like this do not throw valuable stuff away , at most they re-sell it ) . But he told you he did ,anyway, because he wanted to hurt you. And he wanted to hurt you because : a ) he is a majore a**hole b ) he wanted to shake you off himself. He was never that much into you- come on, someone who likes you does not ghost you 8 times - and was coming back for convenience, habit and the freebies. I guess he got tired and not even the freebies were enticement enough to keep him ; probably he meant the last ghosting to be also the final one, and when you tried to get him back, he freaked and got nasty. Of course he got nasty because he is a nasty type- but also because he does not respect you at all, and, tbh, how can he have a shard of respect for you if in 6 years you always let him walk all over you and in fact rewarded is bad behaviour with attentions and materials gifts ….? TBH, you thought you caring actions would convey " I love you, I care about you " but instead conveyed mostly " I am so desperate, I would take any abuse to keep you with me " and, unluckily this kind of desperation generates , rather than compassion or gratitude, sheer contempt. Hence, the contemptous way he chose to break up with you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (10 June 2018):
 The question is why are you bothered?
He sounds like an asshole. Is that a good enough answer? Stop wasting your life on someone that couldn’t give a shit about you. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2018):
 He honestly didn't sound like a good partner. After all he saw the relationship with you as some kind of revolving door where he could come and go as he pleased - 8 times~
You may have (still are) a sweet and attractive lady but when you let a man (like this guy) TREAT you like crap... He will treat you like crap. NOT because you "deserve it" but because you allow it.
I think he knew that you would feel hurt that he threw away the watch - so that is what he told you.
WHY he is doing there, who knows?
But if I were you, I'd make sure he can't contact you any more. He isn't good for you OR your daughter.
Look elsewhere for a friend or partner. He isn't it. You are ONLY 51.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2018): Someone would do this just because they enjoy being a nasty person.They enjoy being a nasty person because they get a short term power kick out of it.In all honesty he probably never threw the gifts in the trash but felt guilty because he is a tight arse who never gives gifts and he didnt want to feel obligated to you.Frequently when a person does this it is to make you think that they are not into you.And women always assume there is a better woman in their place.But the truth often is that there isnt a better woman at all, its just that the guy is so into himself that he thinks of no one else.And he gets his kicks by hurting people.So never spend a dime on that ungrateful person again.Spend your money on your daughter who will love you forever or at least have the grace to thank you with a hug!One other option is that the gift looked so expensive that he sold it on to someone else for all the reasons already mentioned.
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