A
female
age
41-50,
*iffany78
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 5 months. We live 20 minutes apart and every night when I get off work I spend the night with him. We practically live together. We hardly fight, we have a great sexual relationship and he is very caring and loving. He has asked me to move in with him several times. The only reason I haven't is because I have an 11 year old daughter I am working to get custody of. He said he understood. We spent everyday, all day and night together. We have talked about marriage and kids. 2 days ago he told me he didn't love me that he was lying when he said it. I drove to his house hysterical. I spent an hour telling him I didn't believe him because his actions towards me showed love. He held me all night long when I was really sick just 2 days prior to to this. Sorry I am rambling... so that night he ended up saying he just needs one week with no contact from me...I ended up spending the night with him and going home the next morning. I'm devastated. I haven't eaten or slept. I made the mistake of texting him. I respect his wishes but I feel like he only told me he wants a break so I would calm down. I still have his house keys and the gate remote. Please help me...what should I do? Have I lost him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): In my opinion he's hurting. You're asking him to make compromises. I think he just needs some space to think and you should honor this. Will be difficult for you, but it's not a walk in the park for him either (though it may not seem so) So, just back off and let him contact you when he's ready even if it takes more than a week. Don't contact him. I agree that might push him away further. He can even rationalize his needing space because of your actions. Don't make this the cause. Also accept the possibility that he may want out. Love isn't the only thing that can sustain a relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): I'm so sorry, I know the hurt you are going through.
You say you drove to his house, so he wasn't man enough to sit down face to face & talk to you? I'm also wondering why he said he lied & didn't love you, it is almost like he is trying to hurt you. He could of said he is confused & needs time to sort through issues.
Don't contact him & if he calls in a week, rethink picking up the call, I've been there & I wish it didn't take me so long to learn my lesson. I wish you all the luck. Don't settle on someone who makes you feel this bad.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 January 2013):
First and foremost give him the week off he asked for. Sometimes people say they want to end things, but when it comes down to it they don't. However, if you start acting crazy you may make the decision for them.
So don't contact him at all. If you've made your feelings known (that you want to be with him still) so there is nothing else to do.
I had a girlfriend that I cared a lot about break up with me seemingly out of nowhere. I had learned my lesson before that you don't want to be begging someone to take you back so I just moved on. When she saw how easy it was for me to leave she wanted me back. But at that point I decided I didn't want to be with someone who didn't know what they wanted so I really did move on.
Remember that in time you'll feel better and even if he changes his mind you should reconsider whether or not he's the right guy for you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 He feels that him being with you would affect court's decision on your custody. I do think that these things have to be settled before you start dating. A man can love until reality hits, and he has to man up not only for you but for your 11 year old daughter. I agreed it happened too fast. He doesn't know if he wants to be a father to your daughter. I think your daughter does have a say because if there is no harmony between the three of you it won't be worth it. When you come as a package deal you have to be really picky. When you fall in love too fast you will get hurt when you find out at the end he doesn't really want long term.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I think it all happened too fast. You spent every night together? You practically lived together? I have a feeling it's become too predictable and boring but I cannot say for sure?
Back off a bit and if he's interested he'll get in touch. It's a waiting game now I'm afraid. If you pester him you'll drive him further away.
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