A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:All last semester I was flirting off and on with one of my co-workers, and then friend, despite him having a girlfriend. We both new it was just us being friends and we didn't spend much time together out of work, probably for that same reason. But then right before our winter break, they broke up and we talked a bit and then left to break. When the break ended, we started hanging out a lot and doing almost everything together. It was definitely and amazing time and everyone (including me) just assumed we were together and that it was going to happen all along. We had even started making plans about things like living in the same house next year and me going to visit him where he lives (all of which were his idea). Two weeks later he stopped talking to me for a few days and then asked me out explaining he had stopped talking to me because he thought I had been mad he hadn't asked me out yet. It lasted all of a week and then he wasn't talking to me again. and two days later, I had to go find him for him to tell me that we couldn't be together anymore because he needed to work and focus on his thesis and just sort of rambled without any real kind of answer. At the end of all this, we were supposed to remain friends but that never happened. we hung out once or twice and still flirted at work some, but it bothered him that I was still romantically interested in him so he started blowing me off and then eventually we just stopped talking. I can't say how hard it was to go from spending all of my time with someone who supposedly wanted to spend time with me, to not spending any time with him at all. But I finally started to get over it about two months later. As soon as I felt I was over it and ready to just live my life without him, he sent me a text message asking to go see a movie. We hung out that friday and then he apologized for everything that had happened before and said his interest in me was limitless.The stayed the night, we didn't have sex though (he said he didn't want to rush into that part of our relationship). We did kiss and cuddle though and stayed in bed doing the same thing until about 1 the next day. We were supposed to hang out again but I got caught up with my dad and he was working so we hung out on Sunday were he teased me about blowing him off. He brought up that we'd be in different places for the summer and if it would be a problem for me. Where upon I said I could visit him in Wisconsin as my schedule was more flexible and we talked about what we could do when I was visiting. He seemed happy with the idea and never objected. And Monday everything was good until a friend of mine started to exclude him from the conversation and said he was bothering her. He was leaving and I walked out with him and he said he wasn't going to fight for my attention and I told him he didn't have to. But then he started asking why I had gotten back together with him and he wasn't satisfied with any answer I had so finally I asked him what he wanted and he said to lose himself in a relationship. I asked with anyone or with me and he said with me and he called himself my boyfriend even though I had continuously been calling him my friend with benefits as a joke until we actually went on a date. But sure enough we didn't talk for two day and then he sent me a text saying we'd talk the next day and an email below: "You know, things aren't ok with me. I want to be excited to be in a relationship with you, but I keep coming back to the truth that I'm not ready to be in a relationship, or else I'm incapable of having one. This is nothing against you. I also know how unfair this is for you to have to wait around while I figure things out, so it's best you don't expect anything from me. I still want to talk and hang out and I'm sorry I've gotten so busy these past few days, but I'm really messed up right now and I don't want to hurt you again by dragging you along with me. Let's just please keep this as a friendship right now and of course I'll talk to you about all this, I just don't want you thinking to yourself that somehow I'll end up being a nice guy."I don't know what to think. I really like the guy and I want to spend time with him, but I don't know what to do now. I told him I could be his friend but that I couldn't turn my feelings off again and would always expect something to happen later. He just kind of ignored what I had to say though and said we'd be friends. But we don't hang out and we rarely talk, only at work, and even then sometimes he tries to ignore me. Not exactly what I would call a friendship... I don't know what to do. I don't want to play games and I think deep down maybe he doesn't like me as much as he said he did, but I really can't turn my feelings for him off and I just don't understand why he'd say and do everything he did just to run off less than a week later.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess it makes sense. It's so funny that this time around he ran after me and told me that this is what he wanted and that he wanted to be with me. And to me we spent the most amazing three days together that I don't see how it changed so quickly for him to not be ready again.
Maybe he really doesn't dig me, which is fine, I just wish he had said that instead of giving me the run around. He does have secrets and a lot has happened in his past. He was supposed to get married once before and after buying a house with her, she showed up one day with another guy and said they couldn't get married, gave him the ring back and left. I know he's been hurt a lot, but I feel like I've just been strung along and lied to.
I don't want to hope anymore, but I can't change my heart or how it feels. He knew this and I feel like he tried to throw it back at me when he kept asking why I hadn't been more cautious about getting back together with him and saying I was too nice. I feel so broken.
I don't know if talking to him will help me or even happen. He said we were going to talk and then he just kept putting it off and then stopped pretending like he was going to. I hope I find a way to get over this and move on quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven though my question is long enough as it is, I should mention that he also told me he had told his family about me while he was home which confuses me even more.
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