A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy three weeks ago. he came to my table and asked for my number. he decided to give me his number and after that I texted him and started talking. after that we liked echother verymuch and started talking as much as we can. he was leaving an hour and half from me and decided to come see me. he came and our date was great we kiss and it was great. I told him over the phone not to take away my happiness because I been single for almost two years. I was in a rocky relationship. he told me sisnce he started talking to me it felt great and things has changed for him. I asked why he met me and he said because of the attitude and he likes me. he promised me that he would never leave me. he asked me on our date if I ever going to leave him and I said to him I would never leave him unless he did something to me. he told me right after we met that he would quit smoking and its not a big deal for me. a couple days after our date I spoke to him about stoping smoking. he said he cant stop because he has been doing it for almost five years. we got upset at eachother and he said our relationship can't work. I texted him and said we can fix it and work something out and he agreed with it and same day he said he doesn't want to lose me and he would quit smoking . we said good night that day and the next day he didn't contacted me or texted. I texted him he didn't texted me. the day after which was Monday I texted him asking if he was okay because it was day two not hearing from him and called him he didn't answer his phone. Monday in the afternoon he texted me and told me that "shame to say it but I am not ready for you". I am so confuse what have I done to deserve that? I want to know what he meant by that? I didn't ask him what he meant by that cause I was upset I just said good luck. please help me I need answer I really miss him . I haven't contacted him since then it's been five days. and I really miss him I want him back. he seems like he doesn't care. do you think he still cares about me or misses me? please I need answer. why did he met me then if he was going to broke up with me by text?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2013): You're getting dangerously involved and attached to this guy after only three weeks- You're three weeks away from being complete STRANGERS... He could be ANYONE... a married man, a serial player with an STD, and yes, he could easily be a nasty, manipulative psycho.... It's IMPOSSIBLE to know who he really is at this stage.... Who knows what's going through his head...? I think you are coming across worryingly needy and unstable- I used to be like this- one example a couple of years ago I met this bloke on this week long course, liked him, emailed him after it ended, asking him out- he replied yes. I was elated! I emailed him straight back, he never got back to me... For about 2 weeks I was distraught, absolute I was such an upset wreck, wanted to just pack it all in! :/ It's never healthy to be completely dependent on someone's love or approval... Often people who are needy, emotionally unstable have underlying problems from their childhood, I've found... In my case it was abandonment issues regarding my mum when I was really young, I discovered through some deep therapy lol..! I ended up getting therapy because these underlying issues git worse to the point where i was suicidal. :/ So I strongly advise you get some therapy because this needless pain will just get worse otherwise...I hope I helped and take care of yourself, good luck xx
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (20 October 2013):
 You met this guy only 3 weeks ago and chatted and texted, you met only once and then you're begging him not to leave you and take away your happiness and he's promising he never will!
This has all happened very quickly and maybe too soon.
You really don't know each other yet, despite what you might think and you're putting a lot of pressure onto, and are coming across as quite a needy person, to a guy who's only just met you .
I'm certain there is a connection between you both and that he does sincerely like you but whether the giving up smoking idea was his or yours, it's clear he believes it something you want but he's not ready for that and feels further pressure being put on him.
I think you've moved too fast too soon and have scared him off.
He's only known you 3 weeks and liked you but since then you've come on very strong and are already making him feel like he needs to change.
He's clearly not ready to be with or indeed know you well enough after such a short time to make life changing promises and commitments.
This is only my opinion based on what I have read in your letter but if you think I might have a point then perhaps if you text him or call him explaining that you realise you may have fast forwarded a bit too soon and would like to try again but to slow things down a bit, he might well be keen.
I hope this helps and it works out for you AB x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 October 2013):
 You only met twice and had a date during the 3 weeks. It was too soon to be talking about the future and changes in habit. The first date was to introduce yourselves to see if you fit with each other. He decided he would not quit smoking and there is nothing to be upset and personal about because you see this as a deal breaker and should move on. He probably wanted to let you go sooner but felt guilty because you showed how vulnerable you are. You put big pressure on him already on the first date so he didn't know how to let you down. It happened so fast. I didn't know how all this could fit into one date and intensive phone conversations. Relationships go at a pace like a slow cooking pot.
After being single for two years you just jumped on the first guy who gave you attention. Smoking is definitely a deal breaker for me. I would not date someone who smokes just one cigarette a day, I would not date someone who's trying to quit, I would not date ex smokers. I would rather stay single than be with a smoker even for one day. Getting upset when you barely knew him means that when he's with you you would be constantly fighting over this. Sure he was flattered by your attention and inadvertently said "don't leave me too." It's easy to get carried away when meeting someone new but understand that's almost like an automatic response to made you think that he's on the same page too.
I think he moved on from you or at least trying to move on because he doesn't think it would work. It feels sweet to say "I am going to quit smoking for you" as if you are oh so special but in reality he doesn't want to. He knows you are serious, take things literally so he bailed out before you catch his bullshit.
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