A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 30 year old female and I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I am devastated because I genuinely thought that we would be married. He said that we had a long future together, that we would never break up. When I asked him what was going on with us he would tell me that there was definitely a future for us. I told him I wanted to be married and have kids, and he agreed that we could have those things together. The few months before the break up (we we're together almost 2 years), I got frustrated because he didn't really seem to be moving at the same speed I was. I wanted to talk about this future we supposedly would have, but he just avoided talking about it. When I finally told him I needed to know if we would ever be married, he said he wasn't sure. Then he said, "I guess I don't love you enough." That broke my heart. For the next week we went back and forth, one day telling me we could be married, literally the next day telling me he didn't want to be married. He told me that he cared for me in his own way, but that he didn't want to be married because we would get on each other's nerves. That he was a scum bag who just wanted to be alone. He said I would be better off with someone else, and that he would be better off alone. I'm really hurt because, like I said, I thought we were going to get married. He says he is a scum bag that needs to be alone (I was his first girlfriend, he didn't have any friends and doesn't really bond with his family) that he'll never be the person that I want him to be. But I don't want him to be anyone else, I just wanted him to love me, I just wanted to be with him, even though he is a shy loner type.I just don't understand why he lied to me for such a long time. He seems to be pretty sure that he wants to be alone, so why didn't he tell me from the beginning? We had some really great times together, I even asked him, "weren't you happy?" He said he was for the most part. If he was happy, why doesn't he want to continue? Or if he wasn't, why did he tell me we would be married? I am absolutely heartbroken and I still want him back. I don't know if I'm just fooling myself, but I feel we truly had a connection. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel like I failed miserably, and there is no point in looking for anyone else. I feel that if he didn't want to marry me, nobody will. What's worse is that I work with him, I see him everyday, and have to talk to him about work. But when I see him at work, it's as if nothing happened. I am miserable, and he looks like nothing ever happened between us, and it breaks my heart even more. I don't know what to do.Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I can't be better than what the first poster at the bottom (anonymous female) said.
Perhaps he thought he could get past his lack of feelings so he said what he said thinking it would be ok and work out....
but the truth is you need to move on... he's just not that into you.
A
female
reader, kata1l +, writes (21 June 2012):
anonymous gal, what a good answer! I wish that I had had your advice 15 years ago before I had wasted over 11 years in a situation just like this young womans! Move on, young lady, while you can still have children and find a quality man. No if's, ands, or buts. Also check out the website Baggage Reclaim for excellent advice for women and their relationships with men! Empower yourself.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 This is an example of a guy saying just enough to keep his s*x partner interested.... but not so much that he can't reverse field and stay in a holding pattern....
You, OP, must decide if you are going to wait indefinitely for this guy to make a decision (the one you want!).... OR if you are going to make if for him....and walk away....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): His statement says it all:
"I guess I don't love you enough"
If a man told me that, then I would head out the door and never come back. You either love each other, completely and have that future ahead, or if after 2 years he says he does not love you enough, then he never will marry you.
You have not failed, you have just been with someone who was a coward. He was prepared to be with you, until The One for him came along, at your expense. You were totally into him, but unfortunately, it now sounds like it was not mutual. He lied and wasted your time in a way.
You won't believe it but a few years from now, you will see this as a blessing in disguise, because you WILL find love again, REAL LOVE, with someone who is totally into you, as you are into them. Their words and actions will line up. You will then realise the narrow escape you had getting away from this one!
Look for the book: "his just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. Very eye opening, especially the Chapter about why he isn't marrying you. Read the whole book, and set high standards for the next guy who gets lucky enough to be in your life.
You are special and have lots of love to give - save it for the right one, who deserves it, so that you get the happiness you deserve.
Good Luck and hugs for what this fool has done. You will be better off, and you will be happy again. Oh yes, and change jobs so you can get over him, otherwise the wound will stay open. He acts like nothing happened, more reason to move on and find the happiness you deserve.
New job = new love :)
Good Luck!!!
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