A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:really need help-so down.ok ive been friends with a guy for 2 years we were close friends and we worked together. he was in a bad way when he started and i helped and supported him emotionally and financially for the last 2 years. during that time hes become very arrogant and ccksure and recently weve joined a new team, well the other day hes been working with a guy he knows is lazy but likes to socialise with and this guy said something bad about me and my friend said nothing and told me it was between me and the guy to sort out also hes incessantly lied since i met him about having 60k, a business whilst he borrows from me-never pays back or offers and thinks more of the people eho do nothing.weve had lots of rows over the past few weeks as im sick of the way hes treating me-ive been a damn good friend to him and today i was in tears calling him and for the first time ever told him i know he lies to me and that if he was a true friend wouldnt do this.his reaction? he said what do you want me to say and im having a good weekend and dont want it spoiled????? i was stunned. why has he gone like this and what should i do im in bits Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Thye only thing you should do9 , as painful as it is , is seeing thi8ngs as they are and not as you'd like them to be : you have met an user, and then move on.
I find very significant that this person has been nice to you as loong as he needed emotional and financial support, and as son as he was in better shape he started acting cocksure and arrogant , and distancing himself.
I think that no true friend would have kept scrounging from you for two years, particularly since he has a decent job and does not really need to do that.
and I think you should take your part of responsibility ( not "guilt " - responsibility ) for having allowed yourself for two years to be involved in a "friendship " in which you feel exploited and unappreciated . You know how they say : you fool me once, shame on you- you fool me twice, shame on me.
By this last phone calls of his this guy made very clear that , while he is not adverse to accept your time and money and attentions , has no real feelings or empathy or respect for you, and , again, the only sensible thing would be to cut your losses and move on.
There will always be people that, for whatever reason, does not feel for us what we feel for them. Tryng to buy their love or gratitude with money, gifts and help does not work ,and it always end in tears.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Hi i remember you posting about this guy some time ago and im amazed you are still helping him. Maybe stop loaning him money and start asking him to repay you. When you met him, he was down. So you werent seeing the 'real' him. Now you are! So drop him as a friend and start asking for your money back. He has bitten the hand that was feeding him, so cut him loose and save yourself any further upset. He isn't worthy of your friendship.
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