A
female
age
30-35,
*ubyandsparks
writes:I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. We got on really well, and slept with each other after the fourth date. Since then, we meet up around once a week, either go out for dinner or to each other's houses and watch a film, stay over etc.He told me a few weeks in to our 'dating' that he intends to move to a different city sometime soon if he can get a job. Since then, we cooled it off a bit, but then it naturally picked up again between us. He asked if I could look after his pet this week while he went away, which I agreed to.The night before he brought his pet over, he came to visit me and told me he was panicking. He'd been applying for jobs in different cities, and every one he's applying for, he's feeling really anxious and guilty because he's getting in to something with me.Now, I have my eyes open and I know this could easily be a cover up for 'I don't want to see you any more', or 'I don't want anything more than just sex' but what's thrown me off, is that we agreed when he went away this week, he'd have a think about his priorities etc and whether to continue dating...but he's still left me his pet...So every day this week, I'm coming home from work to his pet...it's like he's left me something so I will still be attached to him.What is going on?! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): A lot depends on the pet and how long he’s had it. Is it a goldfish? Or a dog? These different pets will have different levels of emotional bond with him. And it will indicate more about his level of trust with you. That said, looks like he wants everything his own way.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 March 2018):
 Uh, I hate to be the one breaking this to you OP...
But I can see the other uncles and aunts already has already pointed out the OBVIOUS.
He gets someone to take care of his pet FREE of charge and when he comes back to pick it up - make he can convince you to just go for a FWB...
ALSO, leaving the pet with you could make you think that maybe an LDR or FWB might be OK. Because he "must" trust you if he left his pet, right?
I have read that (mostly) women like to "forget" stuff at a new partner's place so there is an excuse to see each other again. Doesn't mean they are now SURE they want something LONG TERM with this guy, but they WANT to option. Maybe this is sorta "his" version of that?
I think YOU need to spend this week deciding if you want to date someone who might be living elsewhere and where it MIGHT be a LDR instead of a relationship where you can see each other daily.
So, do you want a LDR or not?
Personally? I'd watch his pet and spoil it, ENJOY having a pet for a week and then I'd wish him well when he comes to pick it up. I'd be looking elsewhere for a potential partner, not someone with one foot out the door and out the same city.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 March 2018):
 Why ? Elementary ,Watson. Because you save him the high costs of boarding his pet in a kennel and because I am pretty sure he did not have a queue at his door of friends and relatives clamouring for the privilege of picking up his dog's shit or emptying his cat 's litter-box ! ( Or feeding mice to his pet snake ? )
In short: convenience.
Mind you , I am not saying that this guy must necessarily be using you for sex and that he could not care less about you . After all, you spend time together also outside of the bedroom. But since he always told you that his life plan entails his moving to another city, and since he is actively seeking a way to make it happen- and he never discussed the possibility of a long distance relationship- it seems pretty clear that he does not see a future with you. That may be simply because he just does not " do " long distance, or else because he is not that into you/ this relationship, but whichever it is, I think that he makes no mistery about yours being a temporary situation. You are Ms. Right Now. And there's nothing particularly wrong in that,too. Not all relationships are meant to last forever and end with happily ever after; and they can still have meaning and value because people give each other companionship , affection and physical pleasure which they both want.
As for his little speech about feeling anxious and guilty, I think is a nice way to say " I see that you are getting attached and I am terrorized at the idea that you are going to give me a hard time when I am going to jump ship for good, with scenes, tears and emotional outbursts, so maybe I should nip this in the bud and call it a day now ".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2018): You're cheaper than boarding the animal at a kennel, that's for sure! Everybody else he asked probably said no! So pin-it on the lady you're sleeping with!
You're sleeping together; so he's setup the conditions and circumstances needed to ask a favor that's hard to refuse.
I think he left his baby on your doorstep; so he has freedom to move around. It doesn't necessarily mean he'll be back.
Do you really need a guy to leave a foot in the door, just "in-case" he comes back? At best, you might get a long-distance relationship or a free pet out of the deal.
If he finds a job, he has already found a home for his pet; and he's counting on the possibility you'll become attached, and you'll hang-on to the animal hoping he'll be back.
I say the possibility of getting played out-weights any other probability. I can sense the rising suspicion in your post.
Your eyes are wide-open; so you're not by any means naive.
I think he's taking advantage of you. It's quite presumptuous to leave a pet in your care without offering to pay or provide you compensation to feed and care for the animal. He offers no time-frame he'll be back, or what he will do if the animal has any special needs that may be costly to you.
What will you do if the pet (you don't identify what kind of animal it is) needs veterinary care? That can be costly, and most vets will not administer medical-treatment unless assured of payment. What if your furnishings or property gets damaged? Now you have to be sure to feed, cleanup after, and see to the animal's care when YOU have things to do. If the animal is injured or escapes, the full responsibility and liability is now on YOU!
My dear, all I see is a truck-load of nerve and presumption dumped on you. I don't think he has any real plans of coming back, if he finds a job.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 March 2018):
 I find it weird that he didn't ask his family members to keep the pet. You don't really know him that well if all you have is questions at this point. To even consider a relationship would be shaky ground when there is long distance in the future. If you agreed to look after his pet, you must be a pet lover yourself. Only keep it if you can love it as your own, not because you see it as a liaison between you and him. It's possible that he wants to dump this responsibility on you. Why start something if he's knowingly going to move away? The time to think about whether to start a relationship is before you have sex, not after you "happen" to catch feelings for each other. Right now I can only suspect that he makes decisions based on his own convenience.
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