A
female
age
41-50,
*oodgirl
writes:Why did he hurt me like that? I was in a relationship for 1.5 years with a man who i thought was the love of my life. We met at work, and tried to keep the relationship secret, it didnt last very long. There was a girl at work that i didnt get along with, bare in mind not many people did. She was those really fake happy go lucky snakes, and the office gossiper. I always felt she has something against european people, she was anglosaxon. In anycase she had eyes for my ex and managed to flirt with him on most opportunites when i wasnt around, most people in the office would tell me this if they went out for drinks and i wasnt in the mood to go. my ex and i both left work around the same time and our relationship was good. He did however always look at other woman infront of me and made me feel inadequate. Bare in mind i asked him about the bimbo at he office and he said she wasnt his type, he didnt really flirt with her she was doing the chasing. We left work about 6 months into our r/ship, he couldnt find work for 9 months so i worked 2 jobs to support. I was a chubby girl when we dated and i had put some weight on, and he would without consideration mention my weight. after 9 months we went out having a great time and he got drunk, we were at a bar and recognised a female he used to work with (not the same girl), well he was chatting to her all night until he came up to me and said that i could go home but he wanted to stay and socialise with the girl, i was so angry that i stormed out, but i wnet back and asked him to talk to me outside, thats when he broke up with me and told me my weight was an issue (by that time i had lost 25llb) and said he couldnt deal with it. well i left devestated and as u have it he contacted me the next day telling me he is sorry and just needed a break. well the break didnt last long it last 2 weeks and i took him back. after being together one year, i asked him being, 28 if the r/ship is going to go towards marraige, he told me for the duration of our r/ship that he was not ready to marry me or anyone else. Thats when not long ago i broke up with him based on the fact that i was ready to settle down and he was not even thinking of it. So i set him free and ended the relationship. 4 days after i ended the r/ship he called me to tell me he wanted to get married, but i didnt beleive him and i told him i was not convinced and that i didnt hate him, that i understood he was not ready. it was what i thought, a very nice break up, we just were not on the same page and i understood that even tho it hurt like hell. 4 weeks later i found out he asked my enemy out, that girl we usued to work with, only to find out that after he told her i was a paranoid freak with issues and she bad mouthed me as much as she could, she rejected his offer. I am now so hurt from him, i shared everything with him, even my first time. he used to put me down about my weight, was moody, i supported him for 9 months, he always mentioned my weight but stopped towards the end of the r/ship because i had lost 40llb and looked excellent, i took him on holidays because he didnt have a job.. I did everything a woman could possible do for a man. Even tho that girl rejected his offer i cant help but feel so betrayed and humiliated. If he wanted to marry me like he said he did then why did he ask out my enemy? Please note i loved him and 80 percent of the time it was great, but there was insecurities, lack of confidence in myself and paranoia that he gave me that i never had before we met. i did eveything for him and more and he knows he took me for granted. He will not take my calls answer my emails or even talk to me he is placing the blame on me always say i dumped him. But i left him for a valid reason. i still love him and know what i did was right, he placed so much pressure on me to look sexy and perfect and i couldnt take that pressure anymore. I didnt even see that i was willing to marry him because i loved him so much, coming from a strict italian family i had more to lose than he did but i was willing to sacrfice it for him. I just want to know why he asked that girl out and how he got over me so quickly.
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a break, at work, broke up, confidence, drunk, flirt, girl at work, in the mood, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 December 2007):
 Goodgirl, you chose a good nickname. You are indeed a good girl and you gave this man everything he could wish for. Or, at the very least, way, way more than he deserved to receive. But, he is a bastard and failed to appreciate the jewel he had in his hands. You're far better off without this man. Have you ever heard that phrase, "be careful what you wish, because you might get it"? In this case, you can consider yourself lucky that this mean man won't be around anymore.
You are a very, very good girl, and I'm sure it shows. You are a giver, and also a woman who does make efforts to make relationships work. Someone else will see your value and will give you what you deserve. Don't settle for less.
Take care.
A
female
reader, nikkij  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 Any girl he met after you could not compare to the 1.5yr relationship, connection, or bond that yall had together...so naturally if there is no emotional bond, then the only thing left is physical... meaningless words.
I don't think he moved on...I think he is just on the rebound.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 I do not think he got over you so quickly and that is why he asked that girl out. The fact that he was bad mouthing you with the girl tells me that he is angry with you because you finally found your voice and said enough is enough. He thought he could string you along, get everything out of you he could and just when he thought he had it all you pulled the rug out on him and he was left there with nothing.
I think what you did was very brave and I think you made a wise choice. This man did not respect you and he took advantage of you. He is a very weak person who probably is coasting through life without a plan. You are good to be rid of him. You've much more to offer someone who can give back to you.
Try not to worry so much about what he did or why, it's all about him and really has nothing to do with you. In the future, don't let some man (or anyone) tell you negative things about you. People do this to control you and keep you in a place where they can hurt and manipulate you. You deserve more. You sound like a kind, good person and I think it is excellent that you look fabulous. This will help you to feel fabulous now that you get to start 2008 without the loser.
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