A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing someone for 3 months, at first he was very attentive, calling texting every day/night. We worked together and he never wanted anyone to know we were seeing each other and he said he liked to keep his personal life private.He never introduced me to any family or friends and didnt want to take me out we generally just spent weekends at his house. I did not see him for 3 weeks as he said he was busy but still phoned every day. Then we spent the weekend together and it was great he was all over me the way it was the 1st couple of weeks. He then never phoned or replied to any texts for 3 days, I at first phoned him at least 10 times on the same night getting no answer but then left it for him to contact me, I also asked him if he was still interested because he seemed distant, he answered straight away saying he was interested and was just busy. Then I got a text to say he thought we shouldnt see each other he couldnt offer me the committment I deserved, he wished he could because I was a good person and good fun to be with. I replied ok and left it, not conntacted him since. My Question would be did he ever have any genuine feelings for me, did I ruin it by coming over too needy, now that I am not chasing him will he get in contact with me, do you think there is someone else for it to happen so suddenly ?Thanks
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female
reader, applemac  +, writes (19 October 2008):
hey, the exact same thing happened to me. met him at work, was attentive, think he was the needy one in the start but the tables turned in the end. its been half a year and i still dont know why... guess i never will know.... ur mind goes in circles because he couldnt even give u the truth and the closure u deserve. think ull end up hating him for being so inconsiderate, not from a relationship side of things, but because he was generally inconsiderate and couldnt give u the closure u deserved, to help you move on faster then u probably will. in the end, u bumped into a person who didnt think it was as special as u did, and thinks hell find another 'you' again, u probs dont think that, but ull get over it.... x
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 October 2008):
If he's the kind of guy who wants a casual girl friend who can take things slow and not be needy and can look after her self... then yes you probably terrified him when he found 10 missed calls and was being asked to introduce you to his parents etc etc.
I didn't meet the parents till we knew we were REALLY serious. Same with my hubbie, they knew about him but we were practically engaged before they met him.
It could just be bad luck, that he's looking for a girl who's really chilled out, but then can have intense weekends of passion. And you are looking for a guy who's consistently attentive and round all the time and very family based.
However, he could just have been using you and leading you on, so I don't want to blame you automatically. If he didn't ever take you out then it could have been much more about staying in bed and having lots of sex for him. I doubt there was some one else, I think he just decided he couldn't do what you wanted.
The fact that he dumped you by text suggests he's a spineless creep anyway so not worth having long term.
The main point is that you weren't compatible for what ever reason, and it didn't work. Don't blame yourself. It was just not to be.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (19 October 2008):
hiyah, i think the normal thing happened he was up for fun and you fell deeper he noticed this and freaked. its not wrong for you to want more most men just freak at the idea of getting serious and steady although you didnt ask for commitment or anything really which is why it questions if he was genuine or just after fun and got bord. i know its a harsh way of looking at it but sadly a some men think this way and think of it as normal because there a 'man', and that seems to be the excuse, there not all like it though you just got given the short straw but pick yourself up and get back out there. i think youve been really messed around and its time you moved on and found yourself someone worthy. i wouldnt want him contacting i think your the beigger person for letting this one go and you will feel better in yourself as soon as this passes, and it will eventually but it always takes time. It did happen suddenly which questions everything, you need to answer these questions on your own based on his actions and words towards you. i think the rining him 10 times in one night may of come across as slightly obsessive but i think you realise that now, its understandable given you didnt know where you stood with him i just dont think hell look at it like that. you have feelings for him still that is obvious but dont let it affect you too much, you need to get on with your own life. start a fresh and relaise theres better out there for you best of luck :) x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): It may sound old fashioned and certainly uncool, but the secret that men don't want you to know is they secretly hope that you won't sleep with them too soon.
Three months is about the length of relationships that men will have with a woman when he sees her sexually, it is not a heart connection for him although in order to get you into bed he will make you "feel" that it is with his sweet words, batting eye lashes, and sweet and tender kisses and passionate sex. But guess what, all that does not mean he is romantically involved with you.
If you want a relationship with a man to work out, then withhold sex for as long as you can, I think 3 months of no sex may be about right, and if he is romantic about you, you will know it by the fact that he doesn't keep you hidden, he introduces you to the important people in his life, and he dates only you....he will ASK you for a relationship, until he does this you have no business giving him sex, that is if you see him as a romantic partner instead of a sex partner only. The choice is yours, but this guy was just not that into you. He isn't into anyone but himself. Lesson learned, move on and don't call the jerk. Let him work really hard to get access to you, make him step up to the plate and don't sleep with him if he asks you out and you feel like going.
This isn't a game, it is just the way men fall in love.
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