A
female
age
26-29,
*inggabbieee
writes:Hey guys.. I randomly met this guy last week and as soon as I saw him, I liked him. He seemed shy and I could tell he was into me but I knew he wouldn't ask me out, so I did. He took my number and he asked me to dinner on Saturday. Well he knew how excited I was because I accidentally sent a text to him that was supposed to go to my friend about how happy I was.. I was embarrassed but he didn't care, he thought it was cute I guess.Well we texted back and forth everyday non stop, and he seemed so polite and kind, and very, very shy. On Friday night (like midnight), he ask me to come over to his place. I got nervous because my initial thought was he wanted to have sex with me. But he was so lukewarm towards me. He told me I was sexy, and beautiful and cute, but it wasnt excessive.. He seemed genuinely into me, so I hoped his invitation wasn't like that. I told my self that if he tried anything with me, I would know he only wanted one thing from me, and I wouldnt date him further if that was the case.I went over to his place, and again.. He was very polite, but awkward. I didnt want to come off too strong, so I seemed just as shy as him. He did not touch me not once or try anything on me AT ALL. Nothing.. I was surprised, and thought he was actually a good guy. I finally asked him why he invited me over that night. He looked at me and said "I'm sure you can guess". I told him I didn't follow (I lied), and he said "Sex". I then said "So you did invite me over to have sex with me?" and he laughed it off and said "No, im just saying, nothing good happens after 2am". That was it.. We hardly talked and fell asleep. The next day he drove me home and again, we hardly talked.Then he texted me shortly after dropping me off and said I left a ring in his car, which Im guessing fell out of my bag. I told him it was my bad and he just said "Haha its ok".Later on, I was getting ready for our date, but when I asked him what time to meet him at the restaurant, he never responded. I felt awful, literally cried myself to sleep.. The next morning, I sent him another text and called and I realized I was blocked. I came to the conclusion that he probably did want to have sex with me and had no real intentions of dating me, but I keep asking myself what happened?Was it because I wasn't more energetic? Did I ask too many questions? Or is it really because he wanted to have sex with me, and I wasnt down for it?He did say he's never made the first move on a girl, and has never asked a girl out before, and maybe he expected me to give it up because I liked him.The weird part, is I noticed that he unblocked me the next day. He didnt text me or anything, but I can tell im not blocked anymore.. Can anyone tell me what I did wrong? If I even did anything wrong, Or what your theory is?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 January 2018):
 Just get the ring.
Don't mess about with something that's important to you, you don't need to hear anything else from him. Get the ring back and leave, simple. Then block his number and move on with your life.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 January 2018):
 If I was you, I’d treat this as a hostage situation in which he held onto your valuable and you have to dance around until you meet him again. So I’d meet up with him in some visible place, sweet-talk him into handing the ring into your hand, and immediately get up and leave, without any words.
Use him to get your valuable, and don’t look back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2018):
 Just ask him to meet at the nearest Starbucks (or whatnot that is close to your house or work) so you can get the ring.
When you show up, get the ring, wish him well in his endeavors, BE ALL smiles, and GTFO. Don't take the time to listen to sad little lies or sob stories or excuses. You have already WASTED enough time on this one. If he wants to talk to whatnot, just tell him you got friends waiting for you so you got to run.
You can be in and out in 5 minutes. OP, you owe him squat and you DO deserve to get your ring back. Will it be awkward? Probably but not as much for you as it will be for him. After all you didn't act little a twat-waffle - HE did.
You can do it!
5 minutes of:" GAWD!! THAT WAS AWKWARD!!" is nothing compared to how STUPID he will feel.
(Yes, a little on the petty side but maybe it will teach this dude to not be a bugger to the next decent girl).
Oh and I wouldn't suggest mailing it. That way he will have your address and info. He doesn't need that. Just set up a "meet and grab"!
Please let us how what you decided on and how it went.
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A
female
reader, kinggabbieee +, writes (20 January 2018):
kinggabbieee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really dont know what his deal was.. He texted me again yesterday and offered to deliver my ring to me whenever I was available. It is a real diamond ring that I got for my birthday 6 months ago.. So I do want it back, but I honestly feel like if I were to see him, I'm gonna want an explanation and real apology, but I dont even know if its worth my time. Im unsure if it'll make me feel better or worse. I didnt think about asking him to mail it to me.. Think that may be a better option.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 January 2018):
Honestly, some of the comments from women about what men think are a little off. Not entirely, but they're generalizations that don't apply to most guys.
My opinion is that most guys will try to have sex with you sooner than later. In itself that's not enough to tell you when they want you only for sex or they're interested in something like term. In m every LTR I've had, with one exception, we had sex within a week of meeting.
But we dated for awhile and fell in love. I don't use women for sex, some guys do. If you're worried about it, wait. Don't assume that because they tried to have sex with you that's all they want. But it helps to wait so you can get to know each other first. See if you're compatible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2018): He was a dick. If I were you, I'd send him a message that basically says "If you want to feel better about yourself, please mail me my ring back," and have him mail it to a friend's PO box.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 January 2018):
Good for you, OP!
As "petty" as it may sound I hope it helps you move past this guy and past thinking YOU did something wrong.
He KNEW what he was doing, and he was being a twat!
Chin up and better luck next time!
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A
female
reader, kinggabbieee +, writes (19 January 2018):
kinggabbieee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update! Yesterday, I was logged into an online dating account I had set up a while back but never used. I updated things and when I went to search for possible matches, guess who pops up first on my list?
I almost laughed at the irony. I didnt click on his profile, but not even 10 mins later he texted me to apologize for ditching me.
His exact text was "I feel asleep that evening sadly.. I didnt mean to ghost you. I am sorry :(".
It only took him 5 days to make up a story about how he fell asleep??? Laughable. I'm guessing he felt terrible about himself, so he had to clear his conscience..
I just said "That was like 5 days ago.. But thanks". I went on with my night.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 January 2018):
It happens, and will keep happening until you find the one for you.
Don't shut yourself off or block people out because of it though. All these experiences you go through toughen your skin and make it easier to weed out the bad ones because you recognise behaviours you have seen before.
You'll find many more guys like this believe me, just keep cutting them out and plodding along until you find someone who made it all worth it. It will happen one day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2018):
OP, just learn from it.
I get that it can be hard to find a decent fella online, so maybe TRY other things too?
Meeting people through family, friends, hobbies, sports might actually work too.
It's OK to tell a guy (if he tries to get you to come over late and you don't REALLY know him) I'm not looking for a hook up or a booty call, I'd like to take the time getting to know you.
Just because you LIKE the guy initially doesn't mean he is who he SEEMS to be, nor should you be so willing to jump when he asks... Instead HAVE a nice conversation over the phone (not text).
Telling a guy NO, is OK! Just like you (hopefully) would have told him NO thanks, if he had tried to put his moves on you, it might just be EASIER to not put yourself in a situation that could have been unsafe.
Chin up, don't waste time on guys like that, EVER.
As for the ring, well that sucks.
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A
female
reader, kinggabbieee +, writes (18 January 2018):
kinggabbieee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice! Honestly, I do wish I didn't go to his house that night. But even if I didn't go, and we went on our date as planned, I feel like the end result would of been the same.. He was looking for sex. Its disappointing, because I know I just met him, but I felt something when I met him. And I was so happy that he wasn't being sex-crazed and he actually seemed interested in things about me. He was kind all the way until he dropped me off, and then he just ghosted me. And now he gets to keep my ring.. Its just upsetting to me. I have such a hard time dating, because most guys just want to have sex with me, or they're looking for a side girl. This is the first guy in over a year that I actually liked, who was my age, single, and seemed like a all around good guy. I know I dodged a bullet in the long run, but I wish I had gotten an apology.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2018): Maybe he's not so weird as you think. Men tend to think women are either low value and just for sex or high value and worth committing to.
From his perspective, he may well feel like you led him on and played games.
You did the initial "running" by asking him out. He liked you to look at, liked your forthcoming approach, but only as a potential, low value casual sex partner. Any woman worth more in his eyes would have taken a much slower time to really get to know him and would NOT only be gratified if he showed he liked what she looks like - she'd insist on more from him in terms of initiating.
You then sent a text - you say it was a mistake but he may have thought you were still playing games - supposedly to a friend, saying how excited you were. If he thought you were pretending that you sent it to a friend, but really you meant it for him, he would probably have seen this as a "green light" for him to pursue you sexually, but not anything else.
So, he took you on a 'date' (which you had actually initiated) already with the idea in mind that he was with a racy, confident woman that was up for sex and he did this date as a kind of 'prepayment' for sex.
He then proceeds by inviting you over - making it VERY obvious that ANYONE visiting after midnight to a man's place is basically behaving like a hooker.
You play a game - which he will easily see through - of pretending not to know why you are there.
He is polite and kind enough to not push things, but also feels like you've played one long game with him, because you never really got to know him at his pace and came on too strong.
He then blocks you because he doesn't want any more game playing. It's not so much that he read the signals wrong as you sending out the wrong signals, including you consciously playing games and also coming across as playing games even when you say you weren't.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 January 2018):
 The only thing you did wrong was going to the home of a man you had only just met. You could have put yourself in all kinds of danger. Please don't even think of doing that again.
You were "lucky" in a way because he is so shy/inept that he didn't do anything about getting what he felt he was entitled to.
Do you really think you don't deserve better than being treated like this? He seems totally unable to voice his feelings or opinions. What sort of relationship would you have with an individual like this, having to second guess what he wanted all the time? Sweetheart, you deserve better.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 January 2018):
He sounds like he's kind of weird. You're trying to figure out what you did and ignoring everything he did wrong.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (18 January 2018):
Do not spend another moment stressing over this. Earlier when I started dating online last year, a couple guys did the same thing to me because they figured I wasn't there for sex. They weren't truthful and would just end up ghosting me.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (17 January 2018):
You shouldn’t spend time figuring out what happened. None of this is your fault nor your problem. For all we know, his GF was onto him that he was cheating behind her back. Or could be anything else, but whatever it is, it isn’t you. Nor should you cry over this. Things don’t workout for a reason and the fact that this broke down is most likely a blessing because you avoided a relationship with a wrong person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 January 2018):
Honestly, OP?
Seems like you dodged a bullet. And, that YOU need to start having a BIT more self-preservation going on.
Sorry, you do NOT go to a guys house after midnight (or at all) whom you have ONLY known a week! Just no. Not even to "figure out" if he is just looking for a booty call... Seriously, HE is a STRANGER. Next time, if a guy you BARELY know and haven't even been on a proper date with asks you over late at night, just decline.
Stay safe.
And I agree someone who plays these kind of games? STAY away from guys like this.
He might have seemed shy, but that doesn't mean he is SAFE or looking out for YOUR well-being! And being shy doesn't mean he isn't a horny dude.
Be glad you didn't waste any more time on this one.
And UNLESS you sent him another "miss-sent" text (you really need to ensure you don't do those in the future) he probably blocked you because you didn't have sex with him as he had hoped. He probably hoped you would TAKE the MASSIVE hints (like asking you over late at night and his "lame" joke about sex.) and make a move. You didn't.
I say BLOCK his ass and move on, I don't think you did anything wrong (other than go to his house late at night when you REALLY don't know him, that's just not smart)
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A
female
reader, ashleighkaylin +, writes (17 January 2018):
 You're lucky he didn't make a move on you! After he established you weren't up for that, he let you spend the night probably bc he hoped you would change your mind. Congratulations on sticking to it! :-) he sounds like s real jerk to me. Next time, just make sure you meet in the DAY somewhere PUBLIC. I've been on two dates in my life and neither guy wanted to talk to me after I didn't invite them into my dorm or sit in their car in the back of a parking lot. No thank you! Keep your expectations good, this guy was definitely after one thing only.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 January 2018):
I wouldn't even be trying to work out what happened.
He clearly told you he wanted sex and let's be honest who would invite a girl to their house at that time for anything else? If anything, I think you've had a lucky escape here. Take it from a guys perspective, he is more than likely trying to play some kind of childish game by blocking and unblocking you and id recommend you don't play it.
Chalk this one down to experience and draw a line under it as this guy being a complete waste of time.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (17 January 2018):
You didn't do anything wrong. He sounds like a clown. Being so incapable of communicating what he wants so much that he twists you out of shape is his problem not yours.
None of this is your fault at all but young men are fantasists. They are very poor at reading signals,body language etc so it's best just to tell them in advance what you want and what you don't. A good set of boundaries will weed out the guys who want sex and not much else. It'll save you all of this pointless speculation.
He might not be ghosting you. It might have been a genuine mistake. But if he can't use his words to tell you if he's into you or if he isn't, do you really want to coach him in the relationship?
Try to put him out of your mind. If he's into you he will pursue you. If he doesn't let him go. Guys who are into you never lay it cool.
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