A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am just looking for some advice with a guy I am seeing. I met him 4 months ago, I was 17 and he was 23. At first he was concerned about the age difference, but I turned 18 in August and I figured that would ease him a bit. I don't have a problem with the age at all, but I still feel that he is holding back because of my age. Apart from that we get a long great, and we saw eachother a lot over the summer. He was always saying things like "I like you more and more everytime I see you" in the beginning. All summer I felt the same, falling more and more for him. Then September came and now we don't see eachother as much. As I am in school and he works early mornings and goes to the gym at night. On weekends he goes out with his friends, which I understand because he needs time for that, and so do I. We saw eachother a lot this week just little things during the day. For example he asked if I would bring him some dry socks to work. Which I gladly did. I'm always doing things that a girlfriend would do, bringing him lunch or just simple things like grabbing his favorite gum, or giving him massages etc. He returns the favor in the massages. We talked a lot about a relationship but he said he didn't want a relationship. One day we were laying in his bed and he asked if I would marry him, not like an actual proposal but a casual testing the waters I guess. This really bugged me so I kind of got mad and said "Why are you asking me to marry you if you don't even want to date me" and he replied "I want to, but I cant" This really confused me because he gives me all the hints that He wants to date me, but when it really comes down to it he wont. We both have the same feelings, that when we are together it feels like nothing else matters or exists it's just us. It's been 4 months, 5 at the end of october, and I am wondering what this relationship is. I am really falling for him and he says hes crazy about me as well. I am just confused because he makes comments that he doesn't want to date, he just wants to get married. Obviously he doesn't mean right now, but like when he is 27, 28. I was talking to my friend about him today, and she said maybe he feels insecure because I have a car, I'm going to college and headed somewhere in my life, where he is working at a dead end job and stuck with paying rent, as he was kicked out of his house at the age of 17 he has been on his own for a long time. I think he might feel a bit intimidated but I don't understand how that would affect our relationship. He did send me drunken texts saying that I am an awesome girl and I am more than nice to him and he doesn't deserve me. This makes me so mad because why can't he just be happy that such a great girl wants him? so for the lengthy question, just wanted to get all the background info, there is more so if you take the time to read this and are intrested in helping me either reply or send me a message. It would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 September 2008):
I think you have to get tough with him. Let him see what he can lose by acting like a flake and telling you that he "can't" have a girlfriend.
Sorry but that's crap. If he wants to be with you then he has no reason not to.
Tell him that you want a boyfriend and since he doesn't want to date you then you don't want to see him again.
After a day or two he might suddenly realise he does want a girlfriend after all.
Good Luck!! xx
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