A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been divorced for 5 years and we’ve been together 18 months. He's 44. Our relationship is good. The one thing that bothers me is that he has a lot of arguments with the ex-wife, mostly about money, and what a bad father he is according to her. He pays the required maintenance plus extras. He is very good with the kids. The main thing is that although I suppose there will always be money issues, she gets so personal, calling him names and telling him how much she hates him. She even calls his mother to tell her what a bad father he is. He tries to stay neutral but it escalates into a full on slanging match, like they’re forgetting they’re two adults with a joint responsibility for 2 children. Their relationship does not extend beyond that, they are not friends. She is remarried with another baby, he has assured me he is over her and the divorce. Why can’t she be civil to him and then he would be able to remain calm and polite as well?
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divorce, ex-wife, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): she is bitter because he's moved on and wants him to be unhappy.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 You can't force people to be civil.
You CAN ignore them when they behave that way.....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 September 2011):
I don't doubt for a second that your boyfriend is truly over her. He absolutely is, because he is able to remain neutral - you have to be truly over someone to be neutral. Your boyfriend hasn't forgotten that he has responsibility for his kids. He's doing a good job.
As for his ex-wife - I think you'll find that the divorce has truly taken its toll on her. I don't know what happened in their marriage, but it's very clear that she's never really gotten over it. Maybe he hurt her. Maybe she was a bad woman and he left. Whatever the reason, she is not over your boyfriend for whatever reason. That's why she acts like she does. It gives her power, it gives her pleasure to think she's causing trouble. The ironic thing is that your boyfriend obviously couldn't care.
I would definitely say that you should start making notes/recordings of the arguments. Your husband needs to be whiter than white during these arguments. Then, when you have enough evidence, maybe he should look to taking this to a solicitor. She shouldn't be acting this way.
Meanwhile, your husband should continue to be a good father and continue to pay his maintenance for them.
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