A
male
age
,
*uy619
writes:My gf did not come home last night. We live together. I called and left a message when I arrived home form work and then I waited until 10pm before trying to call her again. She would not answer my calls or return my texts. I texted her to ask her to let me know she was ok and she ignored this. Eventually she sent me a text saying just that she was 'in the countryside' and that she 'had to get away'. At 1am she finally texted to say that she was about a hundred miles away and had booked in to a room. I have worried and not slept well and I have work today too. I understand that everyone needs space and to get away sometimes but I am so shocked at her lack of empathy and consideration. If she's fed up or angry or just needs space that is one thing but a telephone call I feel is the minimum respect for someone elses feelings. I contacted a friend hoping that she could get a response to make sure my gf was ok but she apparantly ignored her calls too. This morning I feel sick with tiredness and worry. Finally, after I had fallen asleep last night she sent a text which I didn't hear arrive. She said that she is ok, that I should't worry, that it is nice where she is and that I should drive and join her tomorrow. There are two points here. 1. My car has to go in to the garage for work on the brakes today or tomorrow so either I put that off and drive down or I hire a car. 2. She has decided to book in to a hotel for which if I turn up I know I will be paying as a few days ago she was complaining that she had just £18 in her bank account. This extra expense which I estimate at £300 to £500 I can't afford on top of the repairs to the car this month unless I put it on my credit card. Why can't she see that her actions and lack of consideration and meaningful communication are a huge cause of our problems? I would be greatful for your thoughts.
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male
reader, called Steve +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Wow - after reading this I was amazed you are still with her... you must think she is really precious and flawless. I suspect most guys would have booted her out by now...You are being used my man - quite simply.Let her find her own way back, she sounds quite selfish to me to ask you to come running when she wants her Bill settling... by bailing her out and accepting this behaviour you are setting a potentially terminal precidence for your future relationship.You need to help her face her resposibilities and not use you like a door-mat... I'm sorry if I offend you but she needs some kind of reality check.Steve
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Because she simply doesn't wish to see. She is not built like you are built, to care about her partners. She is not a bit out of her bearings, this isn't temporary insanity, she is a person of low character and that is not temporary. I have seen another of your posts and the situation seems clear to pretty much everyone - except you, perhaps? Do you not think it is time to move on and that you deserve better?If she proves repeatedly she takes advantage of you, your money and affections, why would you want to waste another minute trying to understand her? To what use? You should be very worried instead that you let someone walk rough-shod over you. She might be in a hotel room with someone else, laughing at how skilled she is at fooling people. I'm sure she won't treat others better. Or maybe she will if they tell her she has to, in order that they give her her dole. But that is not a relationship, barely an exchange. I do hope you can heal of this bitter experience and try to rebuild your life with a decent person, which there are plenty, and that returns your affections and consideration.
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