A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Why can't people leave a good, innocent crush alone and let me enjoy it without embarrassing me or ruining it for me or making every one hate me over it?First grade, my friend Sophi dared me to kiss Kevin Junior and no one ever let me forget it even through high school and when I asked why I was told it's because Kevin junior was cute and popular and I was ugly In third grade same thing happened and my friend Caycee told evebody because she thought it would be funny. I was told to leave boys alone by a teacher and I got in trouble on top of people being mean. Mom asked what I expected. Sixth grade Cooper was nice to me until he guessed I liked him then his girlfriend threatened me and no one talked to me anymore but she was popular!9th grade I got a boyfriend but he never took me on real dates, just pretended so we could sneak out and make out. I tried to break up but our mutual friends kept fixing it so we did notchave to break up and wouldn't listen to me. One friend said I needed a boyfriend because I was too boy crazy for my own good. This one guy Hunter was nice but wouldn't date me because he heard I was easy. I told him no, I'd only kissed one guy. Well my last boyfriend made up rumors to punish me for dumping him!No one will listen when I say a crush is just a crush and leave it alone! It's fun for me just to have a crush on somebody because I get to laugh over how cute and funny they are, talk to them about random things, stuff like that. Imagine we're on real dates because only popular girls with rich boyfriends getvto do that... doesn't mean I want to kiss the guy just because I have a crush and actually be his girl friendIt would perfect if I could have a crush on a guy who had a crush right back and all we did was take turns taking each other on dates and laughing together. No kissing!How do I explain that and get them to see?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2023): I am going to respond as if you are posting for the first time. I'm assuming you are well into adulthood and that everything you posted is in the past. But because you were at one time helpless to stop what happened, helpless to set consequences for boundaries not respected... you are not helpless now
You are grown
You have more power than you think
You may feel helpless, but while you can't change what others think and feel and do and say, you have power over what you think and therefore what you feel, say, and do!
If someone feels that you have a crush on someone you are probably talking to or interacting with that person unnecessarily. You I guess need to focus on interacting only with women, not being alone with men, saying as little as possible if you have to and basically only even saying what you have to to women
It is going to feel lonely but making friends is truly hard work. You seem to struggle with social skills, probably over sharing, probably trauma dumping and likely not knowing what is OK to say and do
You don't have to be a robot. You don't have to have sex or open your door to anyone or answer any questions unless it's the police and even then you can refuse to speak without a lawyer
Since you do tend to tell a lot of whatever to internet strangers, it won't help to tell you to be careful what you sat. You could pretend everyone is a stranger and you would still put yourself in dangerous or embarrassing situations.
The solution? Find a progressive Christian church. Google "progressive Christian church bear me" talk to the priest or pastor or whoever. Tell them you need private conversation. Start small. Show them this post. Tell them one story. Tell them how long ago it happened and how you are still affected
Ask for help moving on. If someone you cannot easily get away from is taking advantage of you or manipulating you or hurting you mentally, emotionally, financially, or in any say at all THAT IS ABUSE. It doesn't matter if it's not physical. It doesn't matter that they're not married to or dating you. You CAN get away. Even if it means taking one garbage bag of your most irreplaceable possessions and moving into a shelter. If that's what it takes, do it.
Whatever happened to you it is still affecting you and you do need help. You are stuck. But no one can help unless you tell an actual professional everything. It's hard to keep therapists. Even if you're private pay they switch up a lot. Even the same one for years cannot be good for a person because a good therapist will help a patient see what they are doing wrong and help them change their behavior!
You are better off now, to if you are being manipulated or anything else, pause before reacting and ask yourself, "is this person in authority over me? Is it reasonable for them to ask this of me?" If so, then what your boss, landlord, professor, police asks of you is in writing somewhere. Your rights regarding people of authority are somewhere. A quick Google search will tell you.
If they are not in authority, and you are in your own space not affecting anyone, not Breaking the law, not breaking rules, then you don't have to do anything or tell them anything.
If you do have to move to a shelter or move jobs, stick to the rules as best as you can, say only what is barebones necessary to anyone.
If you are going to say more, or feel the need to say more, talk to a professional but FIRST get proof IN WRITING that what you say will stay with THEM ONLY. If there's a chance someone (their boss or another therapist/lawyer/priest will get to know, make them get your permission first or at least tell you, "I am going to call the hospital because you said xtz". That, you have power over
Please, please, please from now on out, speak to a professional about what you write here
Write it down in a journal before you type it. Keep that journal on yourself for 24 hours, don't let it out of your sight. Read it again 23m4 hours later. If you still feel the need to send it to someone, think about mailing it to a priest or therapist with your contact info on it
If you can't or won't do that, that means no one on here can help you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2023): Along the years we have heard this same story ,over and over again , with minimal variations and just the cutesy names changed. I think you should focus on other stuff. Your posts sound extremely fake and contrived to me, but even if your stories were true - move on and grow up already. You are not 12 anymore. If you don't want to date , that's your choice , but please stop talking and acting as if you were a character from some Disney channel show.
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