A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I found out I was pregnant for my daughter Lily last year, when I was 21. I was actually in the process of leaving her dad Anthony when I found out. I met Anthony at a fraternity party at my old college but he wasn't in the fraternity, he just went to parties and bars to sell Molky. I was a "good" girl in high school because I didn't have a choice. My parents wouldn't even let me go see female friends unless they were right there eavesdropping so I never learned anything about the real world. I was allowed to listen to music with lyrics, watch any TV or movies above a pg rating and they made me go to church. They wanted me to go to community College here in town because my older brother went to college far away and turned out to be gay. They were afraid they'd lose me.I didn't party much, I didn't even like it. Just weed and Anthony was the only weed dealer I knew. I didn't have the chance to try it before and he showed me how to roll joints and gave me pointers. When I told him I was waiting till I was in love to have sex, he was nice at first. I tried oral with him and ha Ted it. He bought me all kinds of new clothes because he said I dressed too frumpy and I just said I hated guys looking at me like I was sexual. I even told him I'd been molested when I was 10 by a babysitter oldest son because I was. My parents wouldn't have believed me because the babysitters son was our pastor's grandson. So Anthony was molested too and that's why he hated it that I went to gay bars. I only went because I could dance and dress slutty (out of character) and be safe. It was the bsbest of both worlds. He didn't like me having gay male friends because it triggered him and I felt bad. Later, he would use it against me and threaten to tell my parents because they would totally pull me from college. I was doing OK in school but they wouldn't tell me which weekend they were coming up till they were literally on their way so I couldn't work weekends or had to keep canceling plansth. Sometimes they'd be 20 minutes away! That meant I'd be I the car with friends sometimes and we'd have to hurry and turn around and go back to the dorm to beat them there. They didn't like me leaving campus because they said they'd take me shopping for cleaning and hygiene stuff and randomly invite a roommate to dinner, take me to church... they just wanted to control me from 3 hours away even though I was doing OK in school. Mom went through my stuff in my dorm once and found my birth control and they had to have a big long talk about was I ready to be so far away if I was giving myself away. I lied and said I took it to clear up my skin and fix cramps but they made me flush it down the toilet, took me to the store and bought me midol and acne soap. I was only having sex with Anthony because I was really bad at oral and ge said it was just teasing. When I told him they threw out my birth control, he said I was try to trap him. I didn't want to have sex anymore because I sort of hated it. It did hurt anymore but he used lube instead of oral om me because I could it on him and he made me taste myself to see how gross it was I was asking that.I didn't want to move back home but as soon as they left, he'd come over and all my friends liked him because he sold weed and Molly. I was talkto a campus counselor but I was scared to tell her about Molly and weed because I thought I'd go to jail. Anthony found out I was going and got mad and said I was probably talking about him and I could prove I was by not going anymore and talking to him instead since he used to major in psychology. He said I had no reason to not be ready for sex since I'd been doing it and he'd pull out but I guess he forgot I was not on birth control sometimes. When he'd get me drunk, gedtell me he was going to put a baby in me so I'd never forget him if I tried to leave. I'd even applied to transfer colleges when I got the positive test. I told my roommate and she almost paid for an abortion, even took me for a consultation but then her conscience got the best of her and she TOLD him, said he needed to know! I ended up asking my parents to cone get me and they did. They were at all doctors appointments and mom had me tell staff I wanted her in the room all the time fir exams because she wanted transparency. I couldn't talk about anything so I couldn't say what all ge did or about the Molly and weed. Turned out the Baby was fine but they said "you made your bed you lie in it" and made sure he knew everything. He told them I almost killed the baby so they grounded me even though I was 22. They're still really mad.I don't want to be a mom to Lily. I was supposed to be able to sleep when she did but Mom kept me up all day because I laid down enough when I was getting pregnant. They wouldn't listen when I said I didn't want to and was trying to leave him. He's not working because he's trying to get disability and they're making me stay at home till she's 2 and wouldn't let me formula feed. Said it was selfish and I was trying to pawn her off on someone else. They'll help but only to tell me c what I'm doing wrong. They won't let me reconnect with old college friends before Anthony. Old high school friends are disappointed or embarrassed for me and say they thought I was better. My favorite grandmother is disappointed in me. When is it going to end? Can't they see its not my fault?
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abortion, acne, drunk, grandmother, ready for sex, roommate, teasing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2023): You blame everyone else and life for your mistakes and bad choices.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2023): I think you have written many times because you are re living some sort of ongoing trauma. You probably feel you can't share things with people who know you for fear of judgment, loss of freedom, or shame.
You may not have shared all you share with strangers because of fear. OK, now you need to get past that fear. Even if they do decide you need locked up in psych or put in a group home or something else that would be horrifying to you, ask yourself:
Have I ever, on my own, been ok? Have I ever, in making any decision, ever had even tint decisions go south very quickly?
If the answers are no and then yes, then maybe you are NOT able to live alone. At least right now, it seems like you are not capable of being alone for extended periods at all! You can't tell if you're in danger or not
So. If you work, hopefully you're paid enough and gave enough time to to get your OWN self home either by foot or bus or lyft. Same goes for anything, try as hard as possible not to depend on anyone. If you have to live with people, if possible, put a lock on your door. If it's something you can't easily replace, lock it up or keep it on you. Hopefully it's small enough to fit in a backpack you can lock. Otherwise, if you live with people don't tell them you're treating them like thieves, but either lock up important things (documents, medicine. Jewelry...) or if you caget someone outside your house who's trustworthy and willing to hold it for you... don't have it at all.
If you want to make any decision at all aside from showering, changing your clothes, wiping yourself after going to the bathroom... call someone. Seriously, you MUST have a phone number of someone who has never done you wrong! Even if they're from a church or a family member who looks down on you.
"Hey, I'm thinking of walking to the corner store to buy a pop. Can you stay on the phone with me? I'm
Going to some guys house and we're going to spend time alone. What do you think?
If you're reluctant to tell someone like that, then you probably should not do whatever that thing is. If you can't tell anyone who is not a therapist, medical personnel, or your attorney you probably should not say or do whatever it is at all
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2023): Can't you see there are many better things to do for fun than posting bullshitty lame contrived stories ?? This time is a pastor rather than a minister or the elders of your church, plus you added a darker twist with drugs and gay bars.But basically it's always the same pap that you have been doling out on Dear Cupid since forever. At least try making it a bit more gripping .
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