A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My new roommates are mooches and I don't know what to do. It seems no matter where I live, when I live with someone, I end up losing $ I can not afford to lose. Second to last time was my bad: I was in active addiction, let a practical stranger move in who used and I was screwed. It was public housing so even if he hadn't died of an OD there, if caught, that would have eventually cost me. I can pay $ back even if it takes me a year and then hope for a second chance rentor but where do I stay till then? I graduated substance abuse housing/classes but like many people who are in my position, the second chance places are too expensive and there was no way to save bc I owe owed $1000s in back payments and fees and garnishments. My bad. That's called consequences. I get it. Even the most law abiding citizens who work minimum wage fir whatever reason cannot afford to live alone or get assistance or else they're stuck with a not so great bus system, an air mattress, no wifi, barely any food or laundry or hygiene money and so on. It's hard out there. I'm beginning to think minimum wage earners aren't entitled to a living wage or to live alone.But thanks to wreckage, no "good" person will give me a chance and the people I moved in with relapse or still live the old ways (manipulating, mooching...)I have both problems. I moved in with "Ryan" because he said he graduated another similar program and was earning $30 an hour. I cheit out, that was true and he did work there. What I didn't know was thec2 bedroom in a very nice suburb was under his nephews name. When I moved in, Ryan was making me be dead silent and dead still and never go out etc. Why? We're not dating? Oh, I was not on lease and it's a small complex with nosy neighbors and Suburb police are baaaad. Who cares if you don't drive funny and don't have warrants?Oh. He did have warrants. Not the old ones before living in sober house. Those he was on probation for and COULD have violated by not changing address or something simple, but it was NEW warrants. Apparently while in sober house probation just shrugged because they were in another county, he didn't have a car and stayed away. He still had warrants. His NEW warrants came from trafficking in 3 counties after sober house.I didn't know that bc he didn't tell me. We ended up emergency no where no go, moving in with his friends Danielle, her boyfriend "Biggy", everyone's friend "Landen" and his girlfriend "Andrea". Ryan got laid off within less than a week. Not his fault, UAW strike and he's considered independent contractor so he's just screwed. He's back to work but just got arrested in another county and had crack on him. I was not there, our shared area and common areas of the house has nothing illegal and I've been sober. I have no idea what other roommates are doing and the little I know- prove it! I work, sleep, ear and store food etc in my room, shower and all that and stay gone or stay to myself. I have no guests and let no one in. Those who invite someone can let them in!In that aspect, I'd need legal advice, but I pretty sure I'm not going to get in trouble. That's the problem, I had nowhere to go and all that legal stuff came to light slowly. Nephew caught a case so he wasn't on lease and we had to go, 'Why can't I go anywhere or make noise and why pay someone to drive me if I can pay you? Oh... stuff you never told me comes out.Move in with Danielle and Co. Ryan gets job back and less than two weeks later gets arrested. Landen gas been working and still always needing $ for this and that and everyone else us coming up short. How?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2023): Expecting someone who earns $30 an hour and has their own place etc is not nice, it sounds like you are a gold digger. What did you expect? Nobody who has their own place and a good income - and a brain- would let a freeloader with a lot less move in with them and use them. Work harder, learn skills if needed, get a better education if needed, I did all of this when young and working full time too. I now have a great income and a lot of property. If you want things like this put in the time and effort and skills to get your own, don't look for other people to do it all for you and think you can just enjoy the benefits they worked hard for!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2023): Alright
If you're not tied there by lease then you can LEAVE. As long as you're living there and holding a job, the roommates are simply going to kick back and come up with "emergencies" until all your money is gone. A solution, which will suck for you (but oh well, how much did you mooch from society while in active addiction?(, is to swallow your pride, grab up 1-2 weeks worth of clothes, any paperwork with sensitive information on it and move to a homeless shelter. Then, you follow the rules, sleep there, eat there, go to work, go to 12 step meetings, and discipline yourself to send $ you would typically spend on rent to places you OWE money. In other words: pay back society and then some!
Then, after a year (if you're lucky enough to stay that long), you'll hopefully have enough saved to pay for a second chance places and actually deserve one!
Graduating from sober living isn't easy - high school graduates who save their money and try to live alone have a hard time! It's hard for people who do it right! Even college graduates are struggling!
You keep getting stuck with "moochers" because most people new in sobriety, like kids from strict parents, move out and expect to do whatever they want. Next time, when you EARN your own place, show the place, yourself, and the people who helped you some respect and livesxAS IF you're under the same rules. If you had a curfew, give yourself a curfew too. If you couldn't have guests in the bedroom, tell your own guests no. If guests had to leave at a certain time, so should yours.
I'd never tell a person what to believe spirituality but while you absolutely must choose your own higher power in 12 step programs, it helps for you to choose one connected to a denomination that has high standards for behavior. If you Amick with those people and imitate their life, you can imagine how you'd feel if the important people there were privy to your every decision. Fear/avoid their judgment? Then don't make that decision!
You want to have people respect you, you hang around respectable people and act like a respectable person. No woman your age should be shacking up with men, ordering pizza every night and vegging in front of the computer! Grow up, stay busy from wake up to sleep, follow the rules, follow the law. And only associate with people who follow the rules and the laws
Didn't you learn anything in regab?
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