A
female
age
30-35,
*omplicatedlove
writes:Hello. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is too. we met online for a year and we saw each other this summer in the US. we were together for a month at my brothers house. My brother would always critisize him on the way he eats, the things he does, if hes unorganized, that he hasn't graduated high school yet, that he's a bit chubby, that he doesn't speak spanish (I'm from Venezuela, he's from the US). My brothers wife doesn't really speak english so... Lol.My brother shouldn't be critisizing, his wife was his best friends girlfriend in high school and she chated on him with my brother. They have an odd relationship where they dont share their money, he cheats on her all the time, shes all about appearance, etc.Long story short, my brother and his wife always had something to say about him. my brother was always unorganized so he has no say in wether hes unorganized or not. My dad tells me he's my first boyfriend that I have plenty of guys ahead, etc, etc. His dad is a blood but he never really lived with my boyfriend. My boyfriend has lived with his grand parents most of his life and they have jobs and are normal.His mom lives in another state, works in real estate but is kinda racy. My family isnt perfect my mom is bipolar, my uncle is a traitor, my family talks shit about everyone in the family. I mean I'm not marrying his parents... My boyfriend has found motivation with me, he WANTS to graduate high school as soon as possible AND go to college to study music production. Something he is good at and he truely likes. Who am i to say what and what no to study?I know we're young but we truely love each other, we even lost our virginity together. I've seen progress in him, before he would get extremeely angry and depressed but now he's learned to control himself, he's starting to be more organized, and he truely wants to get good grades in high school so he can go to a charter school and graduate quicker. I'm going to FL to go to college there, and planning on going to where he is after a while if I see progress.Why can't my family just be happy I found someone who makes me happy?
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female
reader, complicatedlove +, writes (23 August 2012):
complicatedlove is verified as being by the original poster of the question* My brothers wife was a cleaning freak. Even if I washed all the dishes whenever I ate and tried to have a clean bathroom and make the bed, they had something to say like my brother had to come early from work to "organize" everything, AKA putting the dishes away. my brothers wife (obviously through my brother) would say that the least i could do is VACUUM. Even though they have a cleaning lady that comes every 2 weeks or so.
A
female
reader, complicatedlove +, writes (23 August 2012):
complicatedlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchigirl: Yeah, their relationship isn't the best, although they make it "seem" like it is. My brother even TOLD my boyfriend that he cheats on his wife. My brother was also partly jealous that I wasn't at their house to visit him specifically, so I KINDA understand it, he is my big brother after all. My brother is pretty cool when he's alone but with his wife he's always on her side. She said that he was rude because he doesn't say "good morning or good night" .... -_- Lol.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 August 2012):
 You hit the nail on the head, without realizing it. They always have something to say about your relationship, because their own sucks. That's why they try to bring your relationship down. It is the number one reason why people bully others, or pick at others: they are afraid they will get picked at themselves. They know what they have isn't good, and they feel threatened. In order to make themselves feel better, they try to bring down others. That way they can say "our relationship isn't worse than hers", and fool themselves into thinking they aren't that bad.
If they were happy with their lives, and with their relationship, they wouldn't feel threatened by your happiness. But right now they are threatened. They want to make you miserable because they themselves feel miserable. That way they feel you're not better than them, and they feel a bit better about themselves.
It is cruel, but it is rare for a person who does this to understand it themselves. They will deny it until the end, because extremely few people have enough self insight to understand that the reason they backtalk others/try to bring others down is because they themselves are unhappy.
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