A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 31 years old and many of you may be wondering what is she doing here? But believe me it gets worse with age....I fell in love with someone who dumped me 2 months ago. I didnt see him for long, only 4 months but found him to be just the kind of person I was looking for. I infact did not like him initially and at that stage he literally begged me to be atleast his friend. Being really kind and simple person, I agreed to it. However it eventually became a relationship. Over the time I realised that he was a very nice person and had a lot of tolerance for my attitude (which I know I need to improve). I didnt realise I was falling in love with him and I started loving him so much that now I cant live without him. 2 months into the relationship, I told him this and he always said that he loved me more than I loved him and we were already talking about marriage. He said he would never ever leave me and that I was the one who might back out but not him. We used to talk on the phone for atleast 6 hours everyday and were mad for each other.One day, his parents came to my house for dinner to see me and the next day his mom called my mom suddenly to say they couldnt go ahead with this relation. The reason he gave me was because he couldnt cope with my kid. The first 2 days when he said this, he sounded really hurt and not wanting to do this but after that he became unbothered about it all. I felt so hurt and all I wanted to do was to see once and I went all the way (he lives out of London) to see him but he refused to see me. I felt so angry that I went outside his house but his mother didnt let me in. Then we exchanged a few abusive messages and calls.I know this was a bit foolish but I was really angry at him at that time. After a few days I tried apologising but he doesnt want to talk to me now and doesnt answer my phone calls or msgs. I have been in relationshios before and have never known a man to be his types. I cant forget him and dont see why we cant atleast be friends? I was kind enough to be his friend when he was desperate for me but now that I am, why is he acting snob? I understand he doesnt want a relationship with me but now that its been 2 months we have stayed without each other and v both understand v r not the ones for each other, whats wrong in being friends? Does he fear he might enter into relationship with me? If yes, doesnt it mean he loves me? Or is he so stubbirn and wont forgive anyone who abuses him?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Hi,
sorry to say but no matter what you do he isnt going to come around.
the fact his mother was involved says a lot. She may want her son to find someone who is childless and has talked him around to her way of thinking.
You have to be honest with yourself, you dont want him as a friend you want him as your boyfriend. He will know this as you have already demonstrated your intentions by visiting his house uninvited. Sorry mate, but you will scare anyone off with this behaviour, I know you didnt mean to appear obsessive, but most people will view this as exactly this.
Move on with your life , there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
good luck.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Let it go for now and give it some time. It could be that you really want to be his friend but it could also be that you can not accept the path he has choosen. People who remain friends after broken relationships usually were friends before, are in the same circle OR they have let some time pass so that when the friendship starts up they can form a different kind of bond. The bond you both feels right now is not that of friends. The more you push him the more he will push you away. Accept the fact that he doesn't want to be with you and move on. Even if as Daniel says, he doesn't want to be with you due to family pressures, keep in mind that the choice was his and he made it. What he fears at this time is that if he befriends you that YOU will have an expectation of more, not him. Let him be.
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A
female
reader, angela2  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 I used to be in a somewhat similar relationship as you. I met a guy old enough to be my father. He pursed me for half a year,but I felt nothing because of our gaps in many things(He is an alcoholic, a divorced man with three kids, twice my age. But for me he was the first man i had a relationship with). At first, I turned him down but accept the friendship.I was there for him whenever he needed me. At last my heart opened and we fell in love. However, the feeling he had for me faded.( It hurt me as I was serious with him. How can his feelings disappear in such a short time)Since he is not in love with me. He was not there when I needed him most.He even started to avoid me.
When we broke up, I beg him to keep the friendship and keep in touch with me. Now I know I wanted to the friendship so much because I was still in love with him. I hope we could keep in touch under the name of friendship.In my humble opinion, your desire to be his friend is driven by your conscious or subconscious feelings for him.I think it is highly possible that he does not want the relationship but still want to be your friend. He just wants to give both of you some time before you pick up the friendship again.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Let it go, sounds like mummy didnt want her precious son bringing up someones else's child. Yes its hard bringing up step kids but if he has listened to her he is not the man you thought he was. Its very hard to stay friends with someone unless its mutual and if you still love him you will just get more and more hurt by having him in your life. Cut your losses and put it down to experience and look for someone who accepts your child and hopefully his family will too. You need someone who will put you two first not his mother x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 It seems to me that everything was perfect until his family got involved. I would assume he knew about your kid before all this happened, so I would have expected him to say something before. Seems to me he's a severe case of mommy's boy who can't make up his mind for himself. I think you're better off without him, because you would be marrying his mother, if you understand me.
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