A
female
age
36-40,
*tellarchik6
writes:My fiance and I have been in a great relationship up until recently. I'll call my fiance J. Well, he has been working for this guy for a while now, about a year, lets call J's boss R. Well, R doesn't have a very good work ethic and J barely ever gets paid. Also R keeps J at work from very early in the morning to very late at night most days. There's many other things that go on that I don't feel like getting into about R. Well, it's not so bad that J doesn't get paid so often because we're living in R's basement. I'll get to the point. When J was out of work for a month, because his boss R and him got into an argument, J and I were so close and we got along so well. Just like before he ever started working for R. Well, he started working for R again after his month off and R hasn't changed.So J and I are arguing again. I don't know why J just won't look for another job. R doesn't treat him very well and I don't hesitate to tell J what I think about it. J can also communicate with R about personal things and won't talk to me about them and I feel like that's part of what is missing in J and my relationship. J never really tells R how he feels like he is being taken advantage of by R either. What can I say to J to try to get him to understand things from my point of view about R better? Why does J communicate with R better than he does with me? Why can't J stick up for himself to R?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (6 June 2009):
 1) Probably nothing, if you've already told him repeatedly how you feel.
2) J might be avoiding sharing things with you because it leads to arguments.
3) J might feel guilty about living in R's basement and leaning on him for emotional support or perhaps he is a non-confrontational guy in general. Obviously he is getting something from working for R because he keeps doing it.
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