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Why can't my boyfriend just tell this girl he isn't interested?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 January 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 January 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. During this time there has been another girl in the background. They do have a past were they were once friends which led to a bit more but nothing serious came of it. However she cant seem to leave him alone. She constantly e-mailed him in the beginning of the relationship however it began to stop. One night he went out and told me he had taken her number which i think is inappropriate but he assures me she is nothing. A few months ago he left his email account on my laptop and i saw she had messaged him. When i asked if she had contacted him recently he lied and said she hadnt. She constantly asks his friends for his number. Today again he left his email logged in and i have seen she has e-mailed him... i'm kind of getting bored of the situation do i confront her and tell her to leave us alone? Its putting strain on our relationship as in the heat of arguments i often bring her up (completley my fault) I just dont no why he cant cut all ties and tell her he's not interested. Please any advice would be very much appreciated!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012):

Wow some are harsh. Maybe she's just a friend! That doesn't mean he is interested

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012):

I don't get it... outside of the fact they email each other (surprise, men do occasionally have female friends they do this with) do you have a single reason not to trust HIM?

He lied about the emails, but to cover up a mess or in a stupid attempt to prevent you from making one?

You snooped, that was bad. And like always, you did not like what you saw.

But it was quite unfair to just expect him to cut all ties with a girl who he has been friends with for some time, simply out of jealousy.

You either trust that he is faithful, or you don't. No pussyfooting. Talk to him, ask him for one last and final time if he has any more-than-friendly feelings for this woman. And accept and trust what he says or leave and let him find someone who does, and find someone who you feel you can trust as well.

Without trust... there is no relationship.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012):

"Why can't my boyfriend just tell this girl he isn't interested?"

Because he knows if he did she'd stop having sex with him.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (2 January 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntHow much more evidence do you think you need to accumulate before you can (finally) draw the (obvious) conclusion that this guy you fancy is a DOG, and is not worth your time or attention?????

Once you figure out THAT, then you can dump his sorry a*s and get on with your life.... presumably with a NICE guy...

Good luck....

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A female reader, fi_the_tree United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2012):

fi_the_tree agony auntYou tell him to tell her that he's not interested, or you're leaving. If he truly loved you, he would have put a stop to this years and years ago!!

Tell him to sort it out, or you walk... x

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A female reader, TashaLoves117 United States +, writes (2 January 2012):

I'm sorry to hear about your situation but if he hasn't cut all ties after knowing that she makes you uncomfortable and that it is putting stress on yall relationship then I do not think he ever will.

I think you should talk to him one more time and calmly tell him exactly how you feel and see what he says (he might lie and say he understands and that he will cut all ties) If you find out that he didn't cut all ties with her then I'm sorry maybe their isn't a future for you two being together.

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