A
female
age
30-35,
*ambutimnot
writes:I am a 20 year old beautiful woman with a great boyfriend to compliment me. But I have a dirty secret, I spy on his ex girlfriend. It really roots from her calling him and trying to see if we were still together when she got bored. Everytime she would call him she's ranting about how great her new "Gay Life" is and how wonderful her girlfriend is but I knew for a fact she was lying because I could see everything about her life from her sharing it on facebook and twitter. I dnt see her as a threat nor am I jealous of her bug it just pisses me off that she tries to lie to him as if it would make him change his mind about being with me even though I'm pregnant with our child. I seriously need to understand why I can't stop spying on her. Please give me some insight.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 My significant other was seeing someone for a few months last year, and he stopped seeing her in October. From what he told me, they were mainly just friends with benefits (he had known her for years prior), and that was clear from the start. But being a girl, she fell for him quickly and when he told her he didn't want to see her anymore, she was very hurt. I think she believed that she could change his mind.
She found out that him and I are now together, and he tells me that she's always asking about me. She posts on his wall on Facebook (knowing that I will see, I feel it's in a bid to make me jealous). She questions him as to why he wouldn't change his relationship status for her, but he did for me. Just little things that make her seem still a bit bitter about the end of their "thing".
I was buddies with him all while he was seeing her, and I didn't care about her at all. Suddenly though, since we've been together, I find myself checking her profile even though I'm not friends with her. I started to become a little obsessive about it, and she started appearing in my dreams in scenarios with my significant other, which made me feel sick to my stomach. (probably a manifestation of all my fears/insecurities)
I think it's probably me thinking that because she's still appearing here and there in his life, she's going to try and get back with him and he'll still want her. Of course I don't want that to happen, and he re-assures me that it never will. But I think as women, we can't help but feel a little protective or even jealous over the person we love.
I feel your pain.. I think that the best thing for both of us would be to ignore it. When you feel the urge to check up on them, just mentally slap yourself and think, "this is what she would be doing, I'm not gonna sink to that level".
I wish you only the best.
A
female
reader, iambutimnot +, writes (4 June 2011):
iambutimnot is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. You can say intimidation is my problem. I guess its the fact that I want her to feel miserable like she's hoping to make him feel. I seriously dnt get that if she's so happy bein Gay then why is she concerned about whether he's happy or not. If also confuses me that Everytime she does call she's talking and want to know things about me. In every conversation I have over heard without her knowing he tells her everything we've gotten accomplished, she tries to up the ante and it just results in her calling me bad names and him reassuring her she will never be me. She asked to be invited to the bbyshower. I almost said yes just to rub it in her face but I'm much more of a lady to do that now that I'm gonna be bringing a little lady in the world. I just wanna slap her lol.
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