A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, i really need some help, i feel as though i'm losing my mind. My girl friend and i have been together for almost 3 years and i can't get over her sexual history.. She is 30 years old and we met on a one night stand. The following weeks after we met we were having a joke about all the crazy things we have done in the past. We get along very well but i cant stop thinking about the past.. She has had quite afew flings, casual relationships and such and one serious relationhip.. I don't know what my problem is. I don't know whether its just insecurity, but i sometimes feel negative towards her for things that shouldnt be effecting the now... I think i need to hear from some of the lady readers, i sometimes feel as though i need reassurance that sex IS OK not with a long term partner.. Its eating me up inside, i keep thinking and wishing we hadnt spoen about anything and that we had met under differnt circumstances.. Why do i keep on thinking its a bad thing? im started to get really bad stress pains in my stomach over this.. She is such a beautiful person i really dont want to lose her due to my own self destruction... Thank you all for your time and advice
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I fully understand what you're going through. I have been through it a few times before and it always ended bad due to my own insecurities. First you have to recognize that your bad feelings about all of this are your own insecurities coming out. Don't feel bad though, because this is a tough problem that most people have. Now, of course it's easier to try and address this issue and work on your mental stabaility with it before entering a relationship, but it doesn't mean it's impossible to achieve a good mentality while in one. I know it's been said everytime when this questions arises, but it's the truth, "the past is the past!" That's one of the hardest things to accept when dealing with someone's sexual history. You can't compare yourself with other people or situations in her past. Think of it this way, if she was with someone before that was so amazingly perfect for her, then why is she not with them now? I'll tell you why, because no matter what she got from them, there was still something about them that was lacking. She found a fulfillment with you that she hadn't found in her past. Had she not experienced every little thing she went through, she might not appreciate you as much as she does. Hell, you two might not have gotten together in the first place! When you start getting that horrible feeling that rushes over your body and makes you sick to your stomach when you think about her past, just remember this, YOU ARE A PART OF SOMEONE ELSE'S PAST TOO! Nobody in this world is perfect, the only way you can think of the past is that it's a learning experience, and that it eventually led that person to you. No matter how terrible something may seem in her past, just know that everything that has happened, happened for a reason. Be happy that you get to be with her, don't let these thoughts ruin the time you spend together. Because thoughts like these will ultimately sabotage a relationship everytime.
A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Here is how I look at it, I'm with a guy that hasn't had any other partners and while on one hand it was nice for him to be experiencing it all for the first time with me, on the other hand I worry there might be that side of him that wants to experiment with others and will feel like he's missed out.
I worry that he isn't as sure as I am because he hasn't tested the water.
At least you can be fairly certain she knows what she wants, and that's you. So try not to let a petty thought get in the way of something wonderful.
I'm willing to guess you have many male friends that have casual sex and don't look down on them... so why should she be any different.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Did she really freely tell you about her past sexual activity or did you wheedle it out of her by persistently asking questions. Remember, it was none of your business to begin with. I bet you have made her feel bad about herself just to satisfy your ego. So what if she has had sex before? You a virgin? She needs to move on to a man and let you grow up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I understand why you wish that you two met over different circumstances. But, you cant let the past and her past experiences affect the relationship. You need to focus on the now. Focus on all the times you two have had together. Yes, it is hard to deal with her history, but, if she hadnt did the things she did in the past, she would have never gotten with you. SHE'S YOURS NOW!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Everyone has a past be they negative or positive. No one is perfect and you too is not perfect.
You need to focus on the positive side of her whenever you have those thoughts.Whenever any negative thoughts appear, banish them away and tell those negative thoughts to get lost.
Don't let the devil be on the driver seat, wrestle back the driver's seat.Think positive always and it becomes a habit.
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