A
female
age
36-40,
*ostone
writes:Hi, I'm 21 and in college. I've never really been popular but have always found friends, or more like they found me and welcomed me in. In grade school when I knew no one I became best friends with two girls who were best friends and in turn became part of their group of friends. When I went to high school with no one I was a loner for almost the whole first year until a couple people welcomed me into their group. Now, my old middle school friends are all spread out in faraway colleges and have moved on and so are my high school friends. I had been going out with a guy who became my best friend for four years then he broke up with me and our friendship is not the same. Most of my coworkers are middle-aged ladies. I'm a junior and have yet to find new friends and feel very lonely.I've always been lucky enough to be welcomed into a group of people who are awesome and I fit into. If I felt the people at my college could fulfill my needs for companionship then I might make the first step, but I don't. I also want to move on from my ex and find someone new to love, but no one around here 'clicks' to me. I'd feel silly joining a club at school by myself or going to a bar or club by myself to meet new people and am not sure if that would lead me into finding the wrong type of people.Really I just want to find girls my age who are smart and funny, like reading, playing video games, cookies, music and shopping and care more about helping others and inner beauty than tanning or getting wasted. Or guys who fall into this category. Where are all of these people hiding and how do I find them?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Zim  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 Firstly, i'd like to go through some of the things you've said:-):
"I'd feel silly joining a club at school by myself or going to a bar or club by myself to meet new people"
This is EXACTLY what you need to do. The easiest way to start friendships is to see someone who has the same interest as you. For a start, it gives you something to talk about, for another it gives you both something to do:-) I will give you the fact that it will feel silly and nervewracking at first, but you'll make plenty of friends soon enough. If you're Christian, then you can join a church. A church is the best place for a lonely Christian, you make friends very quickly. If you are worried about finding the wrong type of people, you can always leave. There is nothing that says you have to stay with a group of people if you don't like them.
"I've never really been popular but have always found friends, or more like they found me and welcomed me in..."
To be honest, from the sound of this sentence and the others like it in your question, I really doubt that you have not been popular. It takes a special kind of person to be able to fit into a group and be accepted by others. After all, this is how all friendships start.
As to your last question, I can only refer to what I have said already. They may seem hard to find, but once you know where to look they come in droves. Clubs/societies/dance classes/taichi(martial arts)will have plenty of people looking to make new friends.
I hope this advice helps you to find the courage you need to get out there. Good luck!
ZIM
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