A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi guys, well its a long story. i apologise in advance. i've been with this guy for three years. i have never stopped loving him even when i found out he was married and had 4 kids. he is twice my age. i couldnt leave. i have tried so hard. i couldnt. after few months i found out he was doing online dating, that's how he found woman a to cheat on his wife. we met through a job interview. he kept doing this and every day he would promise me the world. i lost all trust in him. every time he disappears on me i feel so sick, when he doesnt pick up his phone i'm always panicked and thinking he's with someone else. when he gets distant i think he is dating someone else behind my back,. i have tried millions times to leave him i couldnt. i have tried everything i could i couldnt. he got me to move near he works. i can see his car from my window. its killing me knowing he is so near, i cant have him. i love him so much. i given my life to him. i love him with my soul. i broke up with him a week ago i couldn't stop ringing him. fight him abuse him. i blame him for all my suffering he shouldnt have started this relationship if he had wife and kids. i couldnt break it back then, i cant now. i aint got anyone, no family near, im in so much pain. i need help to move on. i had a traumatic childhood and i dnt know if thats the reason y i cant let go.help
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 First things first, it's been a week. It would be odd if you still weren't highly distressed given all you have been through.
As to the childhood trauma point. Yes that could be a factor but without knowing specifics its hard to comment much further. Generally speaking I think what it has done is given you crippling low self-esteem and this could well have contributed to why you left it so long and why your clinging on now. It's called moth-to-the-flame syndrome - you know this person is bad for you but you cling on regardless because, basically you dont think you deserve any better.
Here the solution maybe to do some work on yourself first in terms of building your self esteem. It will take time but you do need to let go of this because, and I think you know this, its entirely bad for you.
Good luck, take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): You need to get a grip! Seriously! Let's be real here its not that you can't leave him its because you do not want to leave him for whatever warped reasons you have.
This is a man who is married with children, cheats on his wife with you and other women. Prowls the internet to look for other hook ups. I mean honestly what exactly is there to hold onto with this person. There isn't anything valid, pure or good to use as a basis and foundation for a solid relationship.
Wake up and have some pride about yourself, by mingling with such scum you are reducing yourself and your worth to his scumy level. You need to love yourself more than put up with this. You are doing yourself in staying with him, just leave him already!
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