A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm finding it really difficult to get over my first love... the only guy I've ever been in love with. To begin with, it wasn't an official relationship due to long-distance circumstances but I ended up falling for him. In the few months that we were seeing each other and meeting up, it felt just right. Then, one day he called me up and told me that he had met a girl in his area and was going to start a new relationship with her. I've never tried to contact him after he told me that, and neither did he. I thought he might re-initiate contact at some point but he never did. I didn't want to contact him again(even though he said he'd like to remain friends)as I wanted to distance myself from him to get over him...but I'm still not over him.This happened over a year ago so why can't I just put it all behind me? I see young people who break up and move into new relationships within weeks so why am I being so irrational? It wasn't a serious (long term) relationship so I don't know why I still feel so strongly about him. I constantly think about re-establishing contact with him but I think it's better to move on..he hasn't tried to contact me again so this makes me feel like he doesn't even care to see how I'm doing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): I know this feeling. It is, quite possibly, one of the worst emotions a human being can suffer from. It's rejection combined with a constant need to be with a person who, you know deep inside, no longer feels those needs for you. It's being lonely and wanting the whole world to realise it and to help you, but no one does. I'm suffering from a very similar problem to the one you speak of. Infact, I was surprised when I came across this post, by the shocking similarities between our two cases. I too was in a 'long distance fling'. It wasn't the real thang but it felt the closest thing to it. It was definitely love, from both sides. I felt a connection with this person and even travelled across the country just to see them. Admittedly, we weren't regularly meeting up, but that's because it wasn't convenient to do so. However, the less frequent visits were what made seeing each other so special. I was so happy when I was with them, and after my last visit I couldn't wait to see them again, and just to be with them. Close again.But of course it just wouldn't be fair for things to go the way I actually wanted them to, and during a drunken phone conversation (me being the drunk), he admitted to me that there was 'another girl'. Well, as you can imagine, I was distraught. I was angry. I was upset. I was surprised. I was disappointed. I was everything and nothing, all at once. We did talk it through over the phone, and he told me he still loved me and repeated numerous times that 'I was the only one' for him. Lies. I allowed a cooling-down period for the two of us to benefit from - a week long. Everything changed in that one tiny week.Now we no longer speak. I attempted a phone conversation one time, but he claimed he wasn't alone - probably with her. But I understand that I can't cling to something I never really had in the first place. If a relationship between two people is neither possible nor convenient then there shouldn't be a relationship at all. That doesn't go to say that there can't be something there, because there was for me and the other person, and from what you write above there obviously was something there between you two. But times change. Life changes. People move on. It's just the way things work, the way the clock ticks (awful metaphor there. I apologise). I'm not saying it's going to be easy, because being a sufferer as well, I know it isn't. But for the good of myself and my own health (not to mention my poor old heart, bless him), I have to move on. And so do you. You can't hold on to something you lost a long time ago, especially this far down the line.You need to prove yourself wrong. A part of you thinks that you're never going to move on, and you're never going to fall in love again. And guess what? That part of you is wrong. You're wrong if that's what you're conciously thinking as well! Moving on is the hard part, but finding a person to move on to should be the easy part.. instead of trying to prepare yourself emotionally for a new relationship, look at people physically, and actually get out there to meet another person you can start this relationship with. They may not be 'the one', but they may lead you to your goal of finding this person; of finding your heart. Of falling in love again. Yes, it can happen. And it will happen - you just have to allow it to!Open your heart, and don't be scared of taking the leap.Good luck,Broken Hearted Girl/3x
A
female
reader, isabella1987  +, writes (27 September 2009):
Well, girl you have to move on.He won't be back to you.I have same problem like you.But I still move on.I had boyfriend after aweek I broke up with him.Me and my ex been 7years together. But long distance.We were middle school sweetheart.One day he told me he had met with a girl from his job and they'll going to marry.I feel like my world is end up.I cried.broken hearted.I can't sleep and eat.Try to kill myself.But I realize,he dont even deserve my true love for him, why would I stupid for someone unappreciated my love.That love I had for him I'll save it and love myself more.Now I am happy.I change my life.Try not to think about him.Back to school and working part time job.I feel alot better now.I had lovley new boyfriend who care about me,give me love and sweet.I am sure you will be just fine.Just give a time.Its take me 2 years.Please love yourself.Feel good inside about yourself. Think like you did best for him.But he choose to be with somebody, not your fault.Never blame yourself.I almost doing stupid things.I don't want anybody think like me.Love is part of life,not the whole life.You, you are your whole life.Love youself.Move on.Avoild everything about him.Try to get busy.Stay with people.Don't stay alone.You'll be fine.Good luck.Best wishes for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionahvuhbuh, thanks for your answer. At least you were able to move on and start dating a new guy...you realise that you've got a loving boyfriend now so that's all good.. I haven't got to that stage yet, I've been on a few dates there and then but I felt no attraction towards them so I just stayed friends with them. A year has passed so I'm thinking that something's wrong with me...anyway, I hope I'll be able to let go of this soon as it's draining me.
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