A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:It's been 7 months since my first ex and I broke up, why can't I get over her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): I am in the same boat, but my situation is a bit different.
I would suggest you make it clear how you feel, but begin to distance yourself if you haven't already done so. Doing that might make her realize how valuable you were in her life, or worst case scenario, if she doesn't come to that realization-allow you to get over her. Don't contact her too often and if/when she contacts you, vice versa, don't sound pathetic and desperate-no one wants a desperate fool!Go out and try to keep occupied, it'll keep you mind off her and it will give you some good stories to talk about next time you're with her.
As for me, my ex lives in Argentina and I live in Miami, Florida. We had been together for about a year- her here for a month (when we met and hit it off, agreeing to make it work. she origninally planned on moving here...in the event that you're thinking I'm totally crazy), and me there for a month- when she decided that our plan for her to move here to be with me wasn't what she wanted. She basically told me that while we had been apart this last time she fell out of love with me. I didn't take it too well because I've never felt so strongly for a girlfriend before.
It has been about three months since the break up and I can't seem to get over her. I am seeing another girl now, but I am going to call it quits because it is clear I am still in love with my ex. Her and I talk and I can tell she still cares about me, but I can't help but feeling like a madman because I'm still crazy about her and I am still holding on, hoping things work out- She's made it clear that her life is in Argentina and not with me in Miami, regardless of feelings.
Any suggestions as to how to handle this? I'll be in Argentina in August of this year, but I am not sure if it is a good idea to keep talking to her (with the hopes she misses me, or I get over her). At the same time, she's constantly on my mind and I want her in my life- she claims she wants to still be friendly too. blah.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): i waish i knew its been 2 weeks since me and my Girl of 6 yrs parted and its killing me it really is, the rest of my life is suffering an all i think of, no matter what im doing is her.... Apparently time is a healer and it takes alot of it Be strong mate.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Well it may be cheating and it may not, you might never know and as she has moved on, it makes little difference. Not all girls will cheat and its unfair to assume they will. No two people are the same. Don't let it bring you down.
Aunty Em x
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (25 July 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know I should let go, but I find it hard to, and now (I dont know for certain but it sounded like all the signs of cheating - do you think it was?) with that revelation, its put me off girls a bit!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 July 2007):
Well there you go, she has definitely moved on. Don't allow yourself to brood over it, take a big deep breath, get dressed up and go out and start meeting other people. Your now a free man to do as you please.
Good Luck and let me know how you get on.
Aunty Em
xx
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (25 July 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI found out on Mon night from a friend she was cheating on me all along. I dont really know why she asked me out! My friend asked her 'I hear you're seeing Tom?' She said yes, but to keep it quiet. Now, when you start going out, you dont want to keep it quiet! Sometimes she was hesitant about me going up too see her, and at other times she had her phone off. Could say something ele though, but I dont think so!
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (23 July 2007):
 like Aunty em says it isn't easy to get over your first love. but it might take a while but if you don't talk to her have everything that reminds you of her and stop thinking about her, hung out with your friends and know that the relatonship is over for a good reason and that you will find someone better. don't let this exprience ruin any of you future relationsips good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
Well like I said, your first is always special and this probably explains why you can't move on, but if you never move on, how are you ever going to meet 'Miss Right'??? Darling I know how tough it is, but you have to put yourself back out there, life is too short to waste it on someone whos now moved on. Let me know how it goes.
Aunty Em xx
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (23 July 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe was my first girlfriend as well
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 July 2007):
Its never easy when a relationship breaks down and when its your first, it's all the harder to face. Perhaps there are issues surrounding the break up that you have not addressed, maybe there were things left unsaid. In your head you know you have to move on but your heart won't let you as it is holding on to the good times you had with her and the memory of dreams and plans that are now lost to you.
Ask yourself how long you want to feel like this. See if there is anything constructive you can do to lay things to rest. Sometimes a letter to yourself allows you to get all the confused thoughts and feelings out of your head and maybe it will throw up some obvious reason why you cant move on. If it is a case of wanting her to say sorry, you could contact her and say you need some closure.
A guy who dated my friend for 2 years, pined for her for 18 months after they split, he near drove himself nuts with it as he built up some fantasy scenario that she still loved him and they would eventually get back together. He finally called her up one night and asked her if she still loved him, she told him she didn't and that she now had a new partner. It wasn't a pleasant thing for him to hear, but at least he knew the truth and did eventually get over her.
Good Luck and let me know how you get on.
Aunty Em xx
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