A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I met in college and fell for each other. He was the sweetest guy I've ever met and a real gentleman. We had great chemistry both emotionally and physically so I was shocked when he ended it after less than a month of dating. He said that I didnt do anything wrong but he was just too busy with his job and school to handle a relationship. This came out of nowhere, as he was just telling me how crazy he was about me and left me hurt and confused. I havent seen him in over six months now but I think about him all the time and just cant let the memories go. I've dated a few guys since but I didnt feel the same way as I do for him. I dont understand why I'm still hung up on him. He wasnt my first or anything like that but I've never felt this away about anyone for this long. What can I do to forget him? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): You might be feeling this way because you have not had any closure. Usually when a relationship ends, both people know why it is over. But it sounds like it was quite a surprise for you, and very out of the blue. Even though he told you he is just too busy for a relationship, it doesn't match with the things he was telling you before, such as how crazy he was about you. So because of all this confusion, the whole thing must be going round in your mind, and you still feel you are in the situation. Maybe you feel you did not really get any "answers", and it is troubling you.
However, since he is moving on, you deserve to move on with your life too. You can close this chapter of your life. It is really difficult to accept these kinds of situations, but it is important that we try to. So even though it was all rather confusing, try and tell yourself that it is done. It may have made little sense, but it wasn't meant to be.
Can you find some meaning for the time you spent with him? What did you learn from the experience? Was there any positive to come from it? Even if you can't think of anything yet, every relationship teaches us something, even this one. So there was a purpose for it, and although you may not be able to see it yet, it has fulfilled it's purpose. Now it is time to move on, to let go, to walk away from that.
I don't know if this is much help to you. I don't think there is any easy way to get over someone, but sometimes trying to view it all in a different way can help. And I think that, given more time, this will start to get easier for you.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 September 2010):
Hi there. There's not a lot you can do at this point.
You don't want to chase him and go texting him or phoning him, because it would be like stalking him. It would also make you look desperate and needy and emotionally dependent. These are not attractive traits for any woman to have. If a woman does act this way with a man they like, it can often drive their men away or cause them to cool off.
Is it possible that you wanted to get more serious when you were going out with him and didn't realize it? Even if you don't say anything about marriage or getting more serious, different things women say sometimes, sends men the same message.
This can happen with girls, as they are trying hard to please their man by doing all sorts of nice things for them and not going out with their friends and pursuing their own interests - "just in case he calls and wants to ask me out, I want to be available." In other words I mean, always being available to see him (almost like you are there sitting by the phone, waiting for him to call you).
Men can sense these things strongly, as women can act too keen to please them and this then puts pressure on men to try and please their women in return. In this situation, the woman is the one doing most of the giving and it can make the man feel a bit pressured, like he is wholly responsible for making his lady happy. We have to make ourselves happy. We are each responsible for our own happiness - no-one else.
Most women do this to some level, by putting the relationship first above their own needs. They then lose their identity a bit, by always giving to the man in their lives and putting their own needs last, believing that's what they should do - now that they are in a relationship. If the willingness to please and put the man first continues without equal giving by the man, then resentment sets in. This spells the beginning of the end.
Something to keep in mind.
In the meantime, I really suggest that you make your own life as interesting and exciting as you can. Exercise regularly (walking is great, try 30 minutes about three times a week), will make you feel fantastic and very relaxed. You will also sleep more soundly. Start seeing your friends again and get together for coffee and cake and some talking and laughing. Consider starting some hobbies or creative pursuits, that's really great for stretching the mind. In short, make your life as full as it can be.
If you are meant to be together eventually, you will be. However, it can't be forced. All in good time.
Another thing to keep in mind right now is, don't try to rush to get into another relationship too soon with anyone else. Rebound relationships are never a good idea. Just give yourself some space and just chill for a while. There's plenty of time for that.
When you do eventually meet some nice young men, keep it light and friendly. Try to keep sex out of it until you really get to know if you like the guy first. Find some common interests and gain some mutual respect for each other, above all else. Then see how it pans out after time.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
...............................
|
