A
male
age
51-59,
*hosted201
writes:I hear all the time from women (those I date and those I don't) things like "You're the perfect guy," and "you're a great guy," And "You're a good man," "a rare breed," and my personal favorite (NOT) "You're too good to be true," always the death nell--when I hear that, the end is near. OH and let's not forget, "I don't deserve someone like you." My question is if I'm such a great guy and have so much to offer , why can I not find a woman who knows what she wants or at least knows what she deserves? I do not think I am all that. I'm not jealous. My ego is not fragile. I'm brutaly honest and passionate. I just don't get it.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Well, poster, if you are this good a man, I'm afraid I can't help you. I will only continue to reflect why bad-mouthed heavy-drinkers, who cheat at the bat of an eye, always have them by the hundreds.
I very much understand you, because I have also been seeking the truths you have found, and I felt just like you when I came here. But you seem way better than me. So, I give up. Can't help you.
Wish you the best of luck.
A
male
reader, ghosted201 +, writes (5 May 2008):
ghosted201 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think its important for anyone posting a response to my question to have a little more info than my ranting question alone. First, I am very secure in who and what I am and how I got this way. Second, I am financially secure, set for life and never have to work another day unless I just want to. I have plenty of money, in fact its one thing I hardly ever think about. I am retired from the Navy, so I have been all over the world and I know what's what. I possess two degrees, so I am educated, perhaps overly so. I am everything I appear to be. Not clingy, not too present, accepting and very respectful of other's needs and wants, not just the woman I am with. I am told I am excellent in bed, and everything from "drop dead gorgeous" to "sexy" down just "easy on the eyes." I'm not bragging, just relating what I've been told. These comments are not how I think of myself. In my own mind I am just me. I am very passionate, loving, thoughtful, in tune and very sincere, and when I love its unconditional. I am a giver, when I give something, be it something tangible or be it love, it belongs to the person to whom I gave it, free and clear; to do with whatever they want. I cannot turn it off or take it back. But I was not born that way. The way I am now, is the result of years of experience and character building involving asking myself the tough questions and demanding of myself sane answers. Years of chasing down every fear until I mastered it. As I said before, I've been all over the world, and I've seen many beautiful things. Before I met the woman of my dreams, I thought I had a pretty good grip on things like beauty, love and romance. She changed everything I thought I knew. I fell in love her more deeply than I imagined possible for anyone on the planet. Its the kind of love that has no measureable depth, it goes on and on. Never in my life ahve I ever felt this way before, and I might add she has said the same thing, before I ever did. Even in the midst of what I am now that depth is still there. Maybe this sheds some light, maybe not but it helped me to write it all down, in any case.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): My current boyfriend used to be told that all the time. Look for those girls who are confident and act like they know what they want out of life, because they will be the ones who will take advantage of what you put out there rather than runing away to a less decent man. It's not hard to spot a confident girl, just make sure she's not conceated.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (5 May 2008):
Where it reads "something these women have missed" it should read "something these women don't like". I apologize; English is not my native language.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (5 May 2008):
We all feel that way sometime.
Sometimes a woman doesn't really know what she wants. She finds a great guy, or a guy that's perfect for her, but, unaware as she is of this fact, she lets him go. That happens with men, too. But, if all the women say this to you, chances are that many of them are simply trying to dump you in a "painless" manner. We know that's not painless, but, what can you do? They are dumping you and that hurts no matter how they say it. It would be best if they said something like "I don't like that moustache of yours" or something similar, because at least you would correct it, but that won't happen, ever.
Why do this second group of women would dump you?
Option 1) You're too much of a nice guy, too attentive, too present, too willing to please them, too insecure. This option does not apply if you didn't have trouble getting women before.
Option 2) They get interested at first, but they had other interests in mind and they go for those other interests. That is, you had plain bad luck.
Option 3) You're indeed a great guy, as to personality and feelings, way of being, but there's something these women have missed. It can be many things: you're just not sexy enough for them, you're too old for their preferences, they anticipate problems with your family or theirs, you don't have the money (sorry, this can be one reason).... you get the picture.
The world would be a better place if they gave you the ax in one simple step. But it will never be that way.
I think you should analyze yourself not as a guy, but as a woman. Try to think what THEY would find attractive in you, and, most importantly, what they would hate about you. Do this exercise and you'll be surprised. By the way, I don't mean you're bad, or ugly, or whatever.
I read once that smart managers pay very much attention to what disgruntled customers say. Those are they guys that tell you what's wrong with you. You've got only sweet talk, so that doesn't help. Do you have a sister who hates you, a woman you made angry, someone like that, who will scream what your flaws are? That will help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): I sense your frustration ....but maybe you have been looking at the wrong types of women ! Don't be so tough on yourself ...maybe you are a little bit of a perfectionist ! My advice is to look further than your close friends , and social set and start new pastimes ...to meet new friends ( that you can subsequently date ). What about a dance or Acting class or creative writing ....or travelling !
I also sense that you have been hurt in the past . Think of this as a new start and have a sense of humour about you situation . You will find lovely women , when you learn that you can't always analyse why love goes wrong .Good luck ..you will find her !
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