A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I´m with my bf almost 2 years, everything´s great, but one thing. My bf´s been always friends with his ex of 4 years..It always bothered me. And finally, after almost year and a half that I hated her I had to really speak about her with him. And he told me everything about their relationship. That she was psycho, she was emotionally crazy, she cried and threw herself on the floor and that he wanted to get rid of her for 2 years but she always found a way how to make him stay with her and he was afraid she would hurt herself. then after 4 years he finally managed to get rid of her, but she was so down she wrote to him everyday the things he wasn´t interested in and she still writes to him about her problems etc so I asked him why he just can´t tell her to stop write to him and he says: I´m not like that, I want to by nice to her, because she went through many bad things.So I don´t know, what would you do? I know I can´t tell him not to chat with her, but why can´t he just tell her after 2 years of their break up to move on and stop bothering him? Does he feel the blame that she´s emotionally destroyed or what? I don´t know, it makes me uncomfortable. thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 what does he do with these letters (email I assume) if he ignores them and does not reply then just let it go.
IF he answers her daily he's egging her on and you have every right to say write to her daily or be with me... YOUR choice.
there is no need for him to FEED her insanity with responses.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): That would bother me too. He's still emotionally available for his ex girlfriend. I think its kind of a good thing that it shows he is a good guy, but he shouldn't be so nice that it's at the cost of annoying/hurting you.
He should politely tell her that he has another girlfriend now and it is not appropriate that they talk so often (since apparently she cant take a hint.) As long as you are in the picture it is not appropriate that he be so emotionally available for her. An occasional text or email to catch up two or three times a year is okay. If he wants to continue to be the nice guy for her at the cost of not respecting your feelings (which are totally adequate) then simply tell him that you understand he wants to be there for her and that you don't want to stand in the way. Then break up with him so he can have all the time in the world to be there for her. That'll make him think about what he's done.
He needs to learn that your feelings come first.
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