A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why can't people just tell you to do one if they don't wanna know you?What is it with people just saying nothing, surely if you want them to leave you alone so badly you would just tell them outright instead of ignoring them which will leave them even more confused.I have this issue with a friend (who happens to be male) We fell out due to his sudden change of attitude towards me and him acting like he couldn't care less about hanging out with me. We were friends in college and stayed close ever since. When he got with his current and most recent gf he went very weird. I just ignored it afterall shes younger than him and I thought thats how relationships begin, however when we did meet up he got a very poor attitude (almost like he was taking after her). He said something to me which left me abit hurt and we fell out as I was sick of being treated like crap since he got with her for no reason at all. I never understood why. Ive never met this girl but I know of her. This all happened at the start of this year.I have spoken to him on occasion such as his birthday however I text him a week ago to see if he wanted to be friends. I was qute a long text as I stated how I felt about the situation and that I didnt deserve how he;d spoke to me but I wanted us to try and work through it and hopefully be friends again. He just didn't reply.Why can't he just say if he doesnt want to be friends? Why not tell me why? Obviously during the argument things were said but he just wont say I think its best if we dont speak.I know people do that hoping "you get the hint" but it winds me up so much that he cant just have the balls to say it and its hurts so I'm not walking away from this without trying. Which is why I need your advice as this will be my last shot and I want to do it right and not say anything that could make it worse. I dont know how to approach him but I think anyone would be confused if such a long friendship suddenly came to nothing..It may confuse the issue slightly but we did have abit of a thing 2 years ago, so its not like it was recent. We stayed friends all the same after and there is no way I would ever want him back in that way, I just miss our friendship and his company because we were so alike and had so much fun as friends. So I appreciate you may get suspicious but the answer is no, I do not have feelings for him. I just need to advice where people wont judge me because of that, please help. What would b the best thing to say?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Your friend has moved on and owes you no explanation. You haven't let go; so he offers you no further contact. He also has a new gf, who probably objects to his continued contact with you. He doesn't respond when you text, and you should leave them alone. You are dragging this out, hoping he will continue to give in to your complaints and whining. You ended it on bad terms; so you have burned your bridges.When a relation ends in a quarrel, it is best left alone. You won't take no for an answer, so why bother telling you why?I know you feel bad. However; the friendship is now over and he tried to end it by ignoring you. He no longer wants you in his life. Your persistence and meddling is only making things worse.You should chalk this up as a learning experience. Ignoring you is telling you loud and clear. He doesn't want to talk to you, nor does he need you as a friend. Ask yourself this question. If someone treats you so badly, why would you want to continue to keep them as a friend?You already know the reason. You two can't get along.You are also jealous of his new girlfriend, and you'll only make trouble.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Why would we tell you to do one when we know if we don't you'll sit around pining for us until we are bothered with you again and get you back with a simple apology, no matter how badly we treat you?
This will be your last shot? OP you sound like a bit of pushover, forgive me but the ball is in his court and you're the one who thinks you have to keep trying? He's fucked you over majorly and you're only thought is how 'you' can fix this?
You poured your heart out to him, told him everything you were feeling, reached out to him and what did he do? Nothing, just completely ignored you and left you hanging and you think you can somehow magically "win him back"? Or that he even deserves that?
The best thing to say is nothing, he's not that guy anymore OP, he's not this great friend you thought he was because as soon as he was done with you he threw you away.
The only thing you can do to get him back as a friend would be to stoop ever lower, lose all your remaining dignity and suck up to him and beg him to return to you as a friend. Let him completely get away with disrespecting you, ignore your own feelings and bow to him in a way that you become a worse pushover than you're already being.
OP this should not be fixable, you cannot call someone who does this kind of thing a friend. You can't trust this guy to have your back, you can't trust him with your feelings because he doesn't care about them and even if you got him back as a friend he's only going to do this again.
So why would he not tell you to do one? Because he doesn't have to, he knows no matter how shit he treats you as long as he doesn't tell you directly that he doesn't want to be friends then your door is always open to him.
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