A
female
age
36-40,
*a petite belle
writes:It has been almost 2 years since I broke up with my ex. I have been blessed in so many ways, I first moved away to cope with the breakup, ended up moving back... I have seen him about 6 times since I have been back (I have been back in my home state for about 6 months), we are cordial, we say hi, his best friend even approaches me to talk to me when we see each other at Sunday mass and stays and talks to me briefly but he is always the one to reach out to me. My problem is that I cannot get over my ex... I was a shitty girlfriend, he wasn't a saint either but I have and probably will always feel guilty for having started our breakup... I didn't take our relationship seriously... but we hurt both hurt each other badly, i take part in my responsibility but he hurt me too... Im not blaming him for anything... I just ... I am so sad... it hurts to see him with someone else... giving her all the chances that he never gave me...His mom writes to me from time to time to say hi and wish me luck. His brother and most of his friends and I are very cordial but I went on his facebook page because I have been praying for one last chance to get back with him and I saw that his relationship is going amazing...When do I get to be happy?... how do I move on?... I don't look at his facebook page at all, i did it this time just because, do I keep praying? People tell me that I have to make myself happy.... but how do I do that??? I am happy sometimes but it is some of those times that I am happy but he is missing even in those moments...I stay active, I am in shape and I have lost weight, I am at the gym 5 days a week,I take fun classes, I have a pretty good job, I lost a ton of friends (because I found out they were only talking to me because of my status when we were in College). I have tried to make new friends back here at home but I can't seem to find a group of friends when we were dating, his friends were my friends and we used to have amazing times together! we used to joke and they were the only friends that I felt happy with... we were always planning something fun to do... now, his friends are always with him for obvious reasons and most of my "friends" showed me their true colors...I have dated a bit but the guy either turns out to be a player or is only interested in "action" or we just don't end up being compatible...it has been 2 years of having him in the back of my mind... do I keep praying? do i....??? what do I do?????
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): Don't confuse running into him a lot as a sign. You have to actually WANT to get over him to actually be able to move on and to me, it sounds like you are holding on to him because you're afraid to be alone or it's some form of comfort during these transitions in your life. When I graduated high school, my long term boyfriend and I broke up. We went to separate colleges but it took me several years to get over "him" because I was so homesick and lost trying to transition to college that I held on to him as my source of strength, as he had always before been my "rock". But it wasn't really him- I just needed some stability. I have since gotten out of another relationship that I didn't think I would ever get over- and I've gotten over both! I HIGHLY recommend no contact. That means delete him on any social media, delete his phone number, throw away his love notes, old texts, etc. - those are a thing of the past and it's over!! Delete his close friends and family from Facebook and your phone as well. I know by talking to them, you think you're closer to him or will win him back, but that's a decision only HE can make- not his friends. Plus, it only will drag you back to that sad place if you keep talking to them.I know that's hard because just the other day I saw my ex's best friend on campus and was forced to have a conversation with him. Avoid it if all possible and if you must, do NOT ask about your ex and keep conversation very general and quick. If you lost these friends when you broke up, then they obviously were like your ex: not a good fit for you. For them to ditch you simply because you don't date him anymore is sad and isn't right- but it may be a blessing in disguise to not associate with them because it may have made you more sad. I'm so sorry you're struggling to find friends. It's an age old problem to move back home and everything is different and you have to meet new people and redo your life. Transitions are really really hard because you get used to how things were and then have to pretend you're ok with a whole new situation.Keep praying that God will bring good people into your life. In the meantime, just continue to keep busy, work, exercise and reach out to those you do know. That one person could have friends that can become your friends too. You just have to work to recreate yourself WITHOUT the title of being someone's girlfriend (easier said than done, I know). But it will make you stronger, more mature, and prepared for a more successful relationship.Just remember: at one point, your ex was a new part of your life and a transition too. You never know what wonderful things God is going to bring your way when you go through a new challenge.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Te thing about praying is this: God always give you an answer...even if it isn't the one you want.
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