A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I meet this man and and from that moment on we were together, literally, i moved in with him and we were an automatic couple. he had noticed me for 4 months and had wanted to be with me so he says but i never noticed him till he actually told my brother (he didnt know he was my brother)about this beautiful woman that lived across the street from him! from there on out we were never apart (crazy but i moved in with him the very next day and it felt so natural to us both. anyway we were together for a year and became engaged in that time, both of our families loved us together and thought we were great together. He was and still is the love of my life, but sadly we are broken up and have been for 9 months, he is dating someone else but tells me, my family, his family, and ever her to a certain extent that she doesnt measure up to me. now he has cheated on her, actually he has cheated on every girlfriend except me!! when he is asked how come he never cheated on me he said he knew he had a good thing and didnt want to mess it up and he had no reason to cheat on me. Now he tells me he isnt over me and he cant seem to give me up but he doesnt know what he wants. he always tells me he doesnt see himself being with her forever but he does see that with me and i am the only one who gets him and he can be himself with and not have to worry and me freaking out on him or leaving him. I was there to get him off the drugs, show him he was wonderful, and support him through everything and he says he misses that. he complains about her constantly and her daughter saying there just not right for him. so my question is why is he with her and not me? why cant he just be with me and be happy?
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Beware that you don't let your heart tell you lies. What kind of statement do you think it was when he saiid "I didn't have any reason to cheat on her"? Hon I hate to be the bearer of bad news BUT THERE IS NO REASON TO CHEAT EVER!
CHEATING IS WRONG...PERIOD! You have to realize this isn't a good thing. I really hope that he didn't cheat on you but the odds against NOT CHEATING when he's done it to everyone else is slim.
When someone cheats they use whatever reasoning they are able to come up with to validify their actions! If he is with someone else and not you then he must have already made his choice. If he isn't clearly with YOU then he is clearly WITHOUT YOU. In some instances cheating is a sign of immaturity, it's also a sign of of selfishness. He probably isn't over you if you were good to him, he's no fool. That doesn't necessarily mean that he loves you or wants to be with you in a serious relationship. If his feelings are geniune it is up to him to fix things and convience you by making the changes in his habits and attitudes. Showing you real love and being a REAL MAN.
He has to be man enough to do what it takes to make things right. He has to be man enough to NEVER cheat again. I am not sure he can do this but I do hope for your sake if he comes back he can. Chances are it will end in the same heartbreak as before. When nothing changes hon, everything remains the same. Please know that I care and wish the best for you, although I may not know you in reality. I know you are thinking, What does she know!? I know plenty believe me or not. I have been in your shoes. Sometimes things go well in the beginning after the reconcillation but in the end results are the same. They are distant, unloving, uninvolved, non committed, selfish...I could say more.
Just be sure that you move slowly before you accept him back. Look at him carefully and know that he has changed, don't look for him to change. You are most likely never going to make that change in him, he is going to have to get there on his own. Don't let him take advantage of you, by leading you on or keeping you around just in case this newer girlfriend doesn't work out. Love is hard on our hearts but sometimes our hearts hold on so tight that we don't really see the dangers that it's getting into. I sincerely hope that yours WILL know the DIFFERENCE when the time comes.
God Bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, hibiscus  +, writes (26 December 2008):
Hi there,
He simply wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he wanted to be with you, he would.
Everything he is basically saying is just talk. If he knew he had a good thing going and did not want it broken he would have stayed. seems to me that he has commitment issues
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