A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my Bf for over 3 years. We lived together for 2 and 1/2 of those 3 years. We have both been through a lot together, even illnesses. My current problem is that right now we are many many miles apart due to different nationalities and he can not seem to get in contact with me. I alway have to call him if I want to talk to him. I've spoken to him about it and even comprimised with him that I'd be fine talking to him only once a week as long as he at least leaves me some sort of message other wise during the week. Even if its just as simple as " hi baby thinking of you". This is something he used to do when we first met and were apart. After speaking to him twice about this, and telling him his lack of effort makes me feel neglected and he asuring me that he will. Nothings changed. I know he has the time so I am at my ends on why he doesn't understand how this makes me feel. The men i have asked about this say it is a guy thing, however since its currently a long distance relationship it would worry them as well, if they were in the situation. When i do talk to him he sounds happy to hear from me and tells me he loves me. I was hopeing i could get some ideas/adivce on how to deal with the situation or how to get through to him. Im sick of feeling negelected and like i sit on the back burner. Thanks very much in advance.
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (12 October 2009):
 I don't want to hurt you or upset you but this guy is quite able to call you several times a week but chooses not to. He is clearly not very considerate of your feelings because having told him a couple of times that even to leave an answer phone message would suffice he still does nothing. My advice would be to stop calling and texting him and however long the gap is wait until he comes to you. You are making it too easy for him. He can do what he likes and treat you however he wants knowing that you will still be there for him. He needs a good sharp shock.
Mnay years ago my boyfriend went to work in Ireland and never bothered calling me although I left countless voicemails. I found out later from friends that he had managed to call lots of other people just not me but interestingly enough I was still relied upon to pick him up at the airport etc etc.
I would definitely stop calling him and don't keep asking him to call you or explain why he hasn't -just let that drop or you will be thought of as nagging or controlling. Just sit and wait for him to come to you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): You'd be happy to know you are not alone :)
It is somewhat a guy thing. My bf did that to me... and he would not call/write/message for a month once.
He did love me though and did not want us to break up or anything. It took him a while to sort himself out. I tried leaving him alone for long periods of time. Sometimes that works.
He said men react physically to being away (sexually, even). And since there is no help there and words don;t work they'd rather push it aside.
It's not about you. It's about him.
Work at a way of spending time together and keep the conversation lines open.
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