A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, Aunts and Uncles. I'm currently in the process of planning a second wedding for myself (this will be my fiance's third). We both have children from our previous marriages and have successfully included them all in the festivities. We have reached a problem, however.My previous marriage lasted 16 years (starting from when I was 18) and we divorced five years ago. My fiance, being 15 years older than me, his first marriage lasted about the same length as my previous one and his second lasted 10 years; they filed for divorce three years ago; it was finalized six months ago.Anyway, my ex husband has hinted he would like to be invited. He hasn't thrown a tantrum or anything about it but said he would like to be included in some part of "giving me away"; seeing as he was my first husband.My fiance has a problem with this. What I find interesting is that he took no hesitance in inviting his first wife to our wedding. But he explained to me that since the five children he had with this woman would be part of our special day, that his first wife shouldn't be a problem.Well, I DO have a problem with this. Mainly because he won't "let" me invite my previous husband. So, all in all, how do I get him to come around to this idea? It wouldn't be awkward at all for me mainly because I know I don't have feelings for my previous husband anymore (at least, none that would render this new marriage pointless) and we have three children.Thanks.
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divorce, fiance, his ex, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): i don't feel comfortable with the ex 'giving you away' at the wedding. In fact being a second wedding i think it appropriate for you to walk alone towards your new intended husband.
But as far as the guest list. If couples are mature and secure in their outlook and can act in a dignified diplomatic way i see no problem with inviting an ex along
If there are still young children to keep still then an ex is the perfect person to look after his own children.
I went to wedding that was close to ruin by five little boys behaving badly running up and down the church. I think the bride would have appreciated an ex or two to help her.
but not all people are secure in themselves. Jealousy can be a painful affliction for some.
however if your fiance can invite his ex you should be able to do the same.
But if it will ruin the wedding for your fiance then perhaps you need to consider whose feelings come first? Your ex? You? Or your (about to be) New husband??
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (24 April 2011):
Yes, I agree with rcn. It should be fair: so both, or neither. On the other hand, I do think it would be slightly inappropriate or at least awkward/inconsiderate to have your 1st husband give you away to your 2nd. You can have your father give you away instead, or give yourself away. An ex husband isn't really appropriate.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 April 2011):
 Simple solution. Both ex's be invited, or neither ex's be invited.
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A
female
reader, Shesmylife517 +, writes (24 April 2011):
Well if he can invite his ex wife then u can invite ur ex husband.. About the whole giving away thing definitely nottt thats a big no no.. He is not an never was ur father so its wrong he can be a guest though.. If your fiance cannot take that then tell him his ex wife is not welcome.. It is both u guys wedding an u have to decide..
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