A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In my other post people had a go at me for being platonic friends with a guy . Well so why is it I try and be friends with women and it never works? I'm friendly and easy going, and don't treat people like garbage. For some reason women always see me as a threat. I've tried being friends with co workers but they are so bitchy abd backstabbing.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 What I've noticed in most women that have a difficult time being friends with other women is that they themselves do not see the behavior that makes other women dislike them.
Now, I am in no way absolutely certain that you are like this, so please bear with me and keep an open mind.
Many women who have difficulties making female friends and call other women "bitches" have a serious "Queen Bee" mentality. They love being around men their own age, have no issues being around men, but when women get around them, they shut down, want nothing to do with them. Secretly, or perhaps even unconsciously, they feel as though other women are encroaching on their "territory", or they become clammed up and won't speak or be polite/civil/friendly due to being uncomfortable.
Women like other women to be sociable and polite. You have to be a friend to get a friend, and be persistent and consistent. A lot of women are highly empathic even on an unconscious level and will sense "Queen Bee"'s mentality, and want nothing to do with her. A lot of women I've known personally who claim to "hate" other "bitches" are bitches themselves (Sorry to be so brash!), and have NO IDEA how hypocritical they are. It's difficult if not downright impossible for a person to truly view their own behavior with an outside perspective.
But look at it this way. If you've experienced a wide range of female relationship possibilities, met a LOT of women and they ALL act like that towards you, perhaps the common denominator isn't other women, it's you.
Are you 100% sure your own attitude isn't driving other women away from being friendly to you? If you truly feel that ALL women are "threatened" by you, and are "bitchy" and "backstabbing", I wouldn't personally want to be friends with you because I would know that you'd already have preconceived notions about me just because of my gender-NOT a good basis for a friendship, that's for sure.
Examine yourself first, before you blame others for your difficulties. You might surprise yourself with what you see.
Now I know that this is an ice cold splash in the face and I completely understand if this message is unpleasant, but please take what I say and just -think- about it for a while. I used to have issues making friends with women, too. I was in your shoes. I was pretty, young, nice and friendly, and I thought that other women must have just been "jealous" and "threatened" by me. No, most of the time they just sensed my overinflated sense of myself and avoided me because I was insufferably full of myself. I'm not much older, but I'm much much wiser now, and now that I'm so over me, I have female friends.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): It wasn't because you were platonic, it was because you came across as concerned about your guy bud should be spending money on you and taking you out and about which painted you shallow and financially motivated.If he was just a bud, you would have been happy with hanging with him, watching a movie or even going for a drive and tunes.OR even accept that he is busy and you should have other friends to hang with and not over rely on this guy bud that just bought a new car.You complained about what? I think its the attitude you have and how you protray yourself as agreeable when you aren't really. You aren't a threat, you just come across as someone who has a selfish attitude. Of course its a post but the reasoning behind your post only cemented the 'first impression'.
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (19 February 2012):
I'm in the same age range as you and used to have a lot of trouble making female friends (but guy friends were easy) for the same reasons - a lot of girls/women were bitchy and backstabbing. But in the past 2 years, I've been making a fair number of female friends and I've noticed that they're all 2-5 years older. The reason for me, I think, is because I've always been a bit more mature for my age, so maybe you need to make friends with people who've outgrown (somewhat) the gossipy bitchy stage of life?
Also, I'd suggest making friends with people outside of work. Sometimes, whether they're male or female, and whether they're older or not, co-workers just suck.
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