A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here's the sitch: I work at a large department store. Associates flirt and date constantly, so there's no stigma about it where I work. I had an eye contact flirtation going on for awhile with a security guy(B). He'd always do his rounds to purposely be near me, always giving me these intense glances and moving past me just near enough to touch. This has been going on for months. But whenever we were alone in the employee areas, he would never speak to me. So I just gave up, you know? No use forcing something. So we started ignoring each other, but I'll still see him staring at me when he's on his rounds, though if I look at him he'll whip his head around like he wasn't. He'll make a point of purposely looking away when I pass him, but in my peripherals I'll see him glancing constantly at me. He also avoids me in employee areas now. A few weeks ago, B went on vacation, and his alternate(M) started flirting with me. M is pretty extra, more the type I'm used to, he's always trying to get my attention by doing stupid stuff, cracking jokes, grinning and winking at me, and teasing me verbally in employee areas. You know... the really OTT type of guy. Handsome and knows it. I don't take it as serious interest, honestly, because the male associates on my level are like that too with me. It's just fun! B came back from vacation last week. I haven't seen much of him and honestly that's probably for the best. We're at work to work. And I happen to enjoy my job. Anyway, a few days ago I was out in the back of the building smoking, when M came outside to vape. On my next smoke break he "just happened" to take his vape break at the same time as me. We had a nice chat... Until B came outside. B looked over and saw us, his shoulders stiffened, and he got this dark look on his face. In short, he was upset. M muttered "oh, sh!t!" under his breath and walked over to B. They walked away from me. B glanced back at me. Later that night, I was closing in my department and sent my coworker on a break. Not five minutes after she'd left, B and M swaggered into my dept, B preening and making a show of not looking at me. M just looked upset and wouldn't make eye contact with me. I flat out ignored them both, but I was pretty upset. Why is this happening?
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a break, at work, co-worker, flirt, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, OldSoulGirl +, writes (26 July 2019):
Like* not land
I don’t know why my autocorrect has to do such weird things. ???????
A
female
reader, OldSoulGirl +, writes (26 July 2019):
What’s happening? Child’s play, that’s what.
Is this a joke or are you really this naive? Either this is all in your head or they’re messing with you. You’re all adults. Either figure out your feelings or move on with your business.
You even talk land think like a teenager. It’s kind of sad, just saying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): P.S.
Vaping and smoking is bad for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): Ha ha ha! Girlfriend, you've earned the reputation of a certified player!
Flirting for a spell and finally having a chat broke the ice for M; but you kept B circling. Playing the "look-and-look-away game" for months! You never gave B the signal to land! Once the new hot-guy (his competition) comes on the scene, he decides to step-up his game a little too late! It's not like you were dating!
Your eagerness to chat with M and your ease at warming-up to him tells B you like the hotter-one. Now he has been relegated to the lesser-choice between the two. Like a pork chop to a steak! M is a smooth operator! B needs more confidence in himself!
Guys will talk, to see what the other dude is up to. B is the one who got his ego bruised, and now he won't play nice anymore. Probably tagged you a player! Who cares anyway? The minute M sees you away from work, he'll swoop-down like a hawk on a rabbit!
This is such a soap opera drama-rama, and you're the kitty in the middle! Typical dramatic-farce among retail-workers. The mingling of employees in this work-setting is less frowned upon; because of the frequent employee-turnover. Same goes for security jobs. Most often very young, mostly students, and it's not a career-job.
You handled it like a pro. You ignored both of them! Neither owns you, and if B didn't have the nuggets to speak-up, let him pout like a bratty little-boy!
Now you have to back-away from both of them. Focus on work and just be cordial. If they don't bother to speak...there will be the next hot-guy on the scene! Everyone is back to doing their jobs as they're supposed to be!
This was such fun for me!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): I worked in a department store for many years and, as you already know, this kind of flirting goes on all the time. You're doing the right thing by ignoring it. What you need to do now is take all this with a grain of salt, go about your business and forget it. You're making too much out of it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 July 2019):
 Obviously you are under suspicion. 2 security guys watching your every move. CYA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): You cannot be sure about what is going on, but I find another thing interesting.
You say that you and B flirted for MONTHS with eye contacts and little things like him making his round so that he can get close to you and touch you by accident... This is high-school stuff. You are not kids. Letting this behavior go on for months is strange... maybe he lacks certain social skills, maybe he is shy, maybe he thrives in flirting situations but never moves on past that... who knows? But why would you settle for that? as Honeypie said those are mind games.
Maybe B and M had something going on and when M said "oh sh!t" it had nothing to do with you.
Even though coworkers dating is not frowned upon where you work, you should look for romance elsewhere, unless you happen to find the love of your life there ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): The reason that this is occuring, is because their superiors are not doing their job! If I were the store general manager, I would fire B, for making a point to get close enough to touch you! That is sexual harrassment, whether you complain about it, or not! If you were the type, you could sue me, the mgr, and the company, years later, for not protecting you, from such harrassment. I dare say that my human resources mgr would never hired Mr B! Security in your store must not be worth a damn! Security is there to do a specific duty, and that duty does not include being a skirt chaser of the other store employees! Mr M just sounds like a handsome clown. I do not fault you, but remain professional on company property. Be cordial with all coworkers, but save the smoldering eye contact, bodily contact, and romantic or sexual inuendo for after work, and away from company property! If anyone invades your personal space, give them one warning, and if they do not heed that warning, go to the human resources mgr!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2019):
 Who knows?
No use in speculations, OP it won't do any good to play some immature guessing game.
None of us can read minds - neither can you.
B sounds like a drama llama. And M is just having fun.
I would NOT try and READ more into this then there really IS. you don't OWE B to not talk and have fun with M or other coworkers so him being pissed that you had a smoke break at the same time as M is just plain ridiculous.
They might be coworkers but they are also strangers, who perhaps should focus a BIT more on work then pretending to ignore a pretty girl at a counter. I mean seriously...
My advice? Just be professional and courteous at work with either. If they CHOOSE to ignore you, let that roll of your back... after all they ARE both strangers and you need to stop giving a shit about what they MAY or MAY NOT be thinking. WHO cares?!
While it might be fun to get attention from several male coworkers I find it a little bit like some kind of play ground games B is playing. Head games and honestly? Who wants to waste time on that? Maybe that is just me.
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