A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been ghsv1 positive for about a year or 2 now and have had perhaps 2 or 3 very very mild outbreaks since my initial diagnosis. A while ago I got out of a serious relationship (with the guy who have it to me) and I started talking to a guy I met online, he's from Korea. We speak almost every day in both languages and there's a bit of a barrier, but we've both confessed that we like each other and theres a chance I could be seeing him twice in the next 7/8 months.We don't want to decide how we feel (friends or more than friends) until we meet but I know I have to disclose at some point and I've never had to do that before. Totally terrified. I considered getting help from a native so I can explain it to him clearly in his first language so he can see how much I care. Also plan on taking surpressive tablets because I hear that helps. what I want to know is if its kinder to for me to tell him now or when we meet at the end of the year? Part of me feels like he'd be more willing to give me a chance if he met me first, but I won't know until I meet him how serious this could be. I think it's very likely we could end up together, but whatever happens theres an equal chance we could just be good friends. What do you guys think i should do? He already knows that I might have an autoimmune disease and he doesn't care about that.This is the first time I have ever had to do this and I feel like damaged goods :( any advice would be appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): From a male prespective I am with Honeypie that if I was faced with a similar situation I would want to know from the beginning before getting involved. I am really sorry for you for it is not your fault if a mean selfish bastard infected you without letting you know first hand.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2019): I have to agree with Honeypie, that now is the best time.
He has a right to gauge and adjust his feelings based on knowing facts that may effect intimacy. You're gearing your emotions towards a romantic-connection; or events may lead you unexpectedly into something deeper than anticipated. The heart has a mind of its own!
If you steer someone's feelings in that direction; you must be upfront and honest at the very beginning. It would be more hurtful to you than to him; if you tell him when you first meet him, and he rejects you.
If he has the chance to know there could be limitations or precautions to be taken, as far as intimacy is concerned. Say if things should get unexpectedly heated. He wouldn't be prepared to take the necessary precautions or make the right decision; should you become too afraid or ashamed to tell him face to face.
Telling him at the last minute would appear deceptive; after allowing months to pass. An angry-reaction could be emotionally-devastating for you. You have no idea how he will react after traveling so far to meet you.
Sweetheart, you are not damaged goods. Never ever say that about yourself again...NEVER! Don't feed such things into your mind.
It isn't your fault that someone you loved and trusted didn't protect you. Now you have to protect somebody else; and it is best to base friendship (or romance) on full-disclosure about this. To keep everyone safe, and to assure that he doesn't hurt your feelings with an unexpected reaction. You have to be psychologically prepared.
Don't wait to subject yourself to his surprised reaction in-person. Allow him the opportunity to digest it now; then you can move forward. Honesty builds trust, and it's the best foundation of any kind of relationship. If he would bail on you because of it; it's better to get it over with now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): Ah bless you. It's horrible isn't it? I have it too and it does make you feel like damaged goods.
I have had to tell four men since I contracted it over twenty years ago and I have never had a negative reaction.
BUT...I gave them all the chance to get to know me first.
I think you are absolutely right, that you stand much more of a chance of him looking favourably on this if he gets to know you first.
I mean, you may not even end up together and then you have told someone you haven't even met yet, something very personal about yourself.
I disagree with Honeypie 100%.
If he starts to fall for you and you get on really well, you having herpes will probably have less significance for him. Telling him before you have even met is putting the cart in front of the horse. (Doing things the wrong way around).
And don't forget that he may well have something that he needs to tell you about himself.
Meet up first and establish a connection in real life. When you feel that you can trust him with something this personal, then tell him.
It has worked for me every time.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 July 2019):
 I would tell him now. It's not like you have bubonic plague, you have herpes.
TALK to your doctor to learn how to BEST prevent passing it on to someone else.
If telling him now means he doesn't WANT to meet up, it might be easier for YOU, getting rejected in person might feel a lot harder.
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