A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:All "straight" and "gay" answers are appreciated. Why is it that my coworkers (females) are constantly asking me about my personal life? They're always curious to know whether the person I'm dating is male or female. In my head I'm like who the fuk am I that it should matter. I should be flattered that I'm constantly on others mind, but I am not one who enjoys the limelight so id rather not be noticed. I am lesbian, but I'm only out to those I date and of course my exes. It's bothersome that some heterosexual ppl are so focused on what goes on in the lives of those who aren't heterosexual. Life would be so much more pleasant if all would live and let live. It's easier said then done to ignore ppl. Working becomes challenging when ur interrogated every night, or when a beautiful woman enters the building n ppl look at u or if someone says that guy is sexy n u don't look. It feels like elementary school all over again. Why are straights more curious about whose gay than the gays? I guess its obvious I just got off work.
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co-worker, lesbian, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDaisy Daisy suggested I just tell the truth about my sexual orientation. I feel like I owe no one an explanation of who I am and what I prefer. A female came into the building tonight at work and she was wearing a short tight dress and I looked her over as I do anyone male or female that catches my interest. However tonight a coworker saw me look at the other lady and she says to me yes I saw that you checking out that lady. In disbelief of her ignorance I said....what, then she replied I saw u look at that woman's ass so why u trying to deny it just tell the truth. My response was who the hell are u that I should justify myself. These mofos are definitely starting to work a nerve now. N its always the women. Why pay attention to what I'm looking at? It'll be something else if I checked my coworkers out, and they're so called attractive. I guess next time they attempt to call me out I'll call it on them for watching me n being jealous that I don't look at them. What better way to deal with these ppl?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Curiosity.
And for some people a lack of tact and manners.
Share what you want, don't share what you do not.
Have have both straight and gay friends and honestly, who they dated was never more "interesting" if they were gay then straight. However, I would never "grill" a co-worker about their dating life.
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A
male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 We humans are always curious about forbidden acts..and unfortunately straights believe gays/lesbians are aliens and naturally their actions are forbidden and hence this curiousity...just ignore ,such behaviour...it's not worth paying attention to...take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): Why don't you feel like you want to come out? If you did, I hope you'd find that you are accepted and no longer in the limelight. I think you're so fascinating to them because you're a bit of a mystery.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Some people are nosey, others just like to get to know people and some people use asking about gay dating to show that theu aprove.
They are trying to be nice and it proabaly interests them as it is different from what they do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): i totally understand what you mean. Straight people are mostly facinated by gays. Mainly what they do in bed abov male gays. I think that straight people are curious about the 'line' that gays have crossed,and many of them maybe wish they could have crossed it themselves. Have you ever seen the filn 'the naked civil servant' with quentin crisp? He talks abov those who have a fear of facination of the gay world are 'secret queens'. I think there is a truth in that. The people at your work place are curios of you,and some of those women may have had gay inklings themselves,and never had the guts to come out. You could actually tell them that their attitude is making you somewhat uncomfortable, and to stop staring and whispering,as being gay is not the 7th wonder of the world,and if they think it is,they need to look at their own sexuality. It.s common for lots of straight people to have that unerving attitude. It.s not homophobia, it.s almost an obsessional curiosity for what they see as something out of the norm,that perhaps they wish they had the courage to do. X
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I think they are just inquisitive, and not necessarily judging you being negative. I am very open minded about homosexuality with lots of gay friends. A new girl started at work a few years ago and I wondered whether she was gay. I wasn't preoccupied with it but it crossed my mind. Eventually, after 18 months or so, she mentioned her partner and then referred to that partner as "she". I respected her right to having a private home life.
So your colleagues are naturally interested (and this may only increase the longer you avoid answering) but if they keep prying and asking, and you're uncomfortable, then you need to make it clear.
Or alternatively just tell them the truth! After all it's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. They might not react the way you imagine. Either way, good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Because it's unusual to them and they are curious and have forgotten their manners I think. The next time they ask who you are dating you should just smile and respond, "does it matter?" Hopefully they get the hint.
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (16 June 2012):
I'm not sure what you didn't understand in my statement. Maybe the wording was bad. I just said people should not bother others with needless questions; so people should leave you alone and not care who you're seeing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I think your coworkers are just trying to get to know you... we talk about our lives at work.. I work with gays and straights.. and we are of all ages and races as well...
Perhaps for me personally it's different... I'm bisexual. My aunt is gay and married to a wonderful woman. She was closeted for so many years she married a man and had a child. For her coming out was nearly 30 years past when she should have.
My brother is gay. He came out to me at age 13 but did not tell our parents for 5 more years and our grandparents died thinking he just had not found the right girl yet... he is happily married in California.
one of my closest coworkers is an openly gay woman who has walked a path that I have watched over the years go from virgin to straight to various other locations.. she married her wife about 6 months ago....
so in our office we don't care... in my life, I don't care.. (or I do if I want to introduce someone who is single to another single person (say for a date) it works better if I know their orientation...
I think that for many folks who are not closely exposed to different things (i.e. homosexuality or say AMISH culture) they are CURIOUS as to how it's different from them... they don't realize that people are people....
And maybe they are just trying to figure out how they should react to you.
I know when I talk about my brother to folks NOT close to me I will say "yeah my brother and his husband" and folks just stop and do a double take and we have to take a detour and explain that YES I said HUSBAND and YES my brother is GAY.... and they always get this odd look like "how can you be so casual about that statement"
I don't like how the world is about homosexuality. So I do my part and talk about it openly because hey I can. And the fact that they see me as straight makes it even funnier because they are UNCOMFORTABLE with my COMFORT with a world so foreign to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't the slightest clue to the meaning of ur statement Discovery. I for one could care less of what goes on in others lives bc its pointless to me. But I would expect more gays to be more interested in fellow gays than heterosexuals. What is it that some heterosexuals gain from knowing a persons sexual orientation? It would be different if I attempted to date them n flirt, or if I were a guy n these girls liked me but wasn't sure of my orientation. I guess I'm alone in dealing with this, but this is very stressful.
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (16 June 2012):
I think that the two camps aren't completely comfortable with the other so that's the reason. That said, sometimes it's better to just keep your opinion to yourself and not stick your nose in others' business.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 June 2012):
 You've described one of those too-common situations wherein someone asks (you) a question that is inappropriate. The advice columnists, in my newspaper, advise that the way to "reply" to such queries is to REVERSE the question and ask, "Why do you ask?"
Sometimes, I think lots of people are too darned interested in "others'" goings-on.....
Good luck.....
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