A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I right to feel upset? My parents are divorced and my Dad remarried a year ago and suggested I go on holiday with him, his wife her kids and one of her kids boyfriend/fiance (she's only 16!), so there's 6 of them altogether. The plan for the holiday was to stay in a caravan and he said it would be a luxury one with (I quote) "loads of rooms" so of course I said yes okay i'll come on holiday and booked that week off work. This week I spent 4 days over his and slept on their couch because their house isn't big enough for me to have my own room. When I got home I thought, hang on a minute, caravans don't have 6/7 rooms so I went on the site and realised that the largest caravans have only 3 rooms, so that's my dad and stepmum- 1st room, my stepsis and her fiance - 2nd room and then there's 2 stepsisters left and me, so obviously they'd share the 3rd/final room and like always I'd have to sleep on the sofa. Why didn't he tell me this? Why bullsh*t, and I feel as though they're worthy of beds and i'm not. I'm just the outsider who doesn't really have a choice of what I sleep on. So I've told him I'm not coming (in the nicest possible way so I don't fall out with him) and now I feel guilty and selfish for wanting my own room with my own personal space and not have to sleep on an uncomfortable sofa for 7 days in a cramped caravan with 7 people in. I wouldn't mind but I'm his daughter and I don't see him that often (like 3 times a year, if that)yet because my stepsisters boyfriend is coming, they get their own room. Am I being pathetic?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 What did your father reply? And would you have been comfortable sharing a room with one of the girls, meaning you will get a bed?
I just think your father doesn't see it as a problem for you to sleep on the couch. Couches, if made for being slept on, are comfortable. It's not seen as something negative to sleep on the couch, at least I would not judge it to be meaning anything negative at all. It ensures you private space, not needing to listen to the other persons snoring and so on. At least until everyone wakes up, but you would get up by then anyway right?
I recently came home from easter vacation with my boyfriends family, and we stayed at their cabin in the mountains. Me and my boyfriend got a bed in a room without a door. His sister and her husband and their one year old got the tiniest and only room with a door, and slept in bunk beds. His parents slept on each their coach! This is a question of what is practical, not something you should take as a personal attack on you to treat you worse or single you out. You got invited along, that tells me you are included, not singled out.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 April 2011):
What did your father reply? And would you have been comfortable sharing a room with one of the girls, meaning you will get a bed?
I just think your father doesn't see it as a problem for you to sleep on the couch. Couches, if made for being slept on, are comfortable. It's not seen as something negative to sleep on the couch, at least I would not judge it to be meaning anything negative at all. It ensures you private space, not needing to listen to the other persons snoring and so on. At least until everyone wakes up, but you would get up by then anyway right?
I recently came home from easter vacation with my boyfriends family, and we stayed at their cabin in the mountains. Me and my boyfriend got a bed in a room without a door. His sister and her husband and their one year old got the tiniest and only room with a door, and slept in bunk beds. His parents slept on each their coach! This is a question of what is practical, not something you should take as a personal attack on you to treat you worse or single you out. You got invited along, that tells me you are included, not singled out.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 As a parent in a blended-family, I know 'The Brady Bunch' is pure fantasy! It is as though it is just too unnatural a situation to ever see everybody happy. So I feel for you. You can choose to go on holiday, for you and your dad's sake, and try your best to have a good time. Or not! Don't look at it as being a huge deal. Life will bring you much bigger issues to deal with in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): Original poster here, chigirl, I asked my father how many rooms there were and if i'd have a room and he said no, he thought i'd prefer to sleep on the sofa than share a room with one of the girls but didn't even consult me. I'm 17 not 5 for f*ck sake.
I told him all the reasons I wasn't sure about going now after hearing the news and have explained further why i'm now not going.
It's obvious the girl and fiance would share a room as they live together currently and my dad gets on very well with him.
I'm not asking for special attention, I'm asking to be treated fairly, if the caravan isn't big enough for me to have a bed, I should have been told about this or i shouldn't have been invited.
Thanks anonymous poster, I'm glad it's not just me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): F*CK ATLEAST SOMEONE AGREES! basically my mum had re-married and she gets the step family over and makes a massive effort for them and when there gone shes back to her bitchy self. she also bought them all holiday presants and none for her real family... may seem pathetic but it hurts. at christmas she spent hundreds of pounds per person but again none for her children.personally i feel their not part of the family if she has to falsely go out her wway to impress them. so untill we can act like a family and all be treated the same, my dads the person i want to be around.your not alone, its hard.. xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 April 2011):
Did you tell him why you wouldn't come along, and tell him that you do not like to sleep on a couch, and that you will come along if you get a proper bed to sleep on?In my very personal opinion you are asking for special attention. But the fair option would be to have you sleep in the same room as someone else. However, would you be more comfortable sharing a room with either of these three couples? And how do you know the one girl and her fiancee would be allowed to sleep together? One option would have been for HIM to sleep on the couch, and you together with one of the girls. But did you even ask your father about the sleeping arrangements? If it is important to you, ask beforehand. Don't just stick your nose up in the air if your wishes aren't met without you even voicing them. And this is not a sign of them being treated better. This sounds like a practicality issue, nothing personal.
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