A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My sister, I guess you could say, has been kind of hostile towards my boyfriend. She says "he's fat" or "he's ugly." She also claims that he's too old for me (I don't think a three year age difference is much; I'm 18, he's 21). She's also constantly trying to sabotage our plans together. For example, I will try to show him around town and my sister will be like, "Nope, she has other plans with me." It's starting to piss me off.And what really bothers is that it's not only my 15 year old sister, it's also my 8 year sister who doesn't like him.Any possibilities as to why they're doing this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Jealousy, yes but in a weird way, the 15 year old wants attention from him, but she doesn't want him. Both of them are jealous of your time. They don't want him, they want the time you used to spend with them. and if you asked them they wouldn't quite be able to explain it that easily. This kind of jealousy is very common amongst women.
FA
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 March 2010):
I remember feeling this way when My older sister started dating. I recall thinking that she was making the wrong choices. Some of it I am sure was because I was not at the same level she was and couldn't see why she would want to be that close physically with these guys. Eventually I got over it.
I think the age difference is bothering them. If a 15 yr old is seeing a guy three years older than her it is inappropriate. Your 8 yr old sis still thinks guys have cooties.
I suggest you do what my sister did and should have done. She was firm with me. She wouldn't give in to my attempts to protect her, (run her life). She could have eased my concerns by limiting public displays of affection. She was younger than you are at the time and was in less control of her self. There is about one year between our ages. When your sisters make sabotage attempts, just firmly and nicely say something to this effect: "This is what people our age do."
Another thing that works, is for him to win them over. They need to see that he accepts them as part of you. I know that you want to spend the maximum amount of time with him, alone. A smart boyfriend will always pay some attention to the younger brothers and sisters, bring them little gifts, and in general be cool with them. Then they are less likely to try to interfere, or tattle. This will absolutely work on the 8 year old. Hair things, small toys, (if she was a boy squirt guns) collectibles. Now your 15 yer sister will not be bought off so easily. He will actually have to take a real interest in her life, and give her genuine complements. And, you can never show any jealousy when he does. You two will have to plan this together. If she can see him the way you see him, your troubles are over. He wants to be seen as there very cool brother in law, older cousin, uncle, etc..
Anyway these things worked when I was your age. I remember quite well being on the other side of your trouble. Thanks for the question.
FA
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