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Why are my parents so different about money than my friends' parents?

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Question - (11 September 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've always been a little jealous of my 2 best friends. Their parents are wealthy and help them out whenever they need it. One of them just ended up getting a brand new car.

Well my parents are different. They are quite wealthy but have always been weird with money. They have always told me you don't get free hand outs in life and you have to work for everything. They didn't even help me with any college money, I had to take out loans.

When I turned 16 and was still in high school I got a part time job, but of course I didn't have a lot of money. Before my sophomore year of high school I asked for some help with school supplies as I had to buy an expensive calculator for my math course and other things and I just simply didn't have enough money. They asked if I had money saved from my job and I told them yes but I didn't have enough and they just told me to pick up more hours at work.

I see my friends get cars but mine wouldn't even help with simple things like school supplies and I don't understand it. I would say my parents also don't really show much affection. I guess I'm just very different than them.

I'm in college now living on campus and also have a job to get me by and although they keep in touch sometimes, they have never asked if I needed anything or offered any help and they know I struggle sometimes.

Now I would completely understand if my parents struggled and never had money but they are well off. My mother buys expensive jewelry and my dad also buys things that aren't really needed.

Are they just trying to make me an independent person? Are they just weird with money? I've never really understood their reasoning or thinking.

View related questions: at work, best friend, jealous, money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015):

Although I agree it's good that your parents probably want to help you become independent and help you learn the value of money. I can't believe they wouldn't help out with school supplies. That's a bit stingy!

As for them not showings have affection. You should tell them how you feel if you haven't already as there is no excuse for this and they are definitely in the wrong.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (11 September 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntCount your Blessings for having parents who are prompting you to be a responsible adult.... especially as it applies to making one's own way in life....

I grew up in a fancy-schmancy resort, wherein I saw, every summer, those kids (like your friends) who had new cars, the latest styles and membership in all "the right organizations." Many - maybe, most - of them were insufferably shallow and self-important (read: "snobby").

My family (and me) were of modest means...but we worked and sweated for what we "had." Most importantly, what we "had" was good work ethics... and we were resourceful, creative and satisfied with whatever we "had."

Good luck......

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A female reader, Zoroll United Kingdom +, writes (11 September 2015):

Zoroll agony auntThis sounds like a very struggling situation, people often need someone to rely on, especially when it's starting something as big as college however it seems like you have done really well by yourself to keep yourself going, and you should be really proud of that, it may help you out one day that thinks what you have been taught.

Maybe having a chat with your parents would be the best option here, just make sure you are clear that you just want to understand it rather then asking them for money straight out.

As for your friends, I know it's always so difficult not to compare yourself to people but you've just got to not think about it like that, people will always seem to have more than you.

Really hope it works out for you miss strong independent woman hehe

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015):

On one hand I agree with your parents - it is always better to earn your own money & be independent. You will always feel much happier that way - but on the other hand - if your parents are wealthy I don't see why they can't help out from time to time rather than just spending it on themselves.

Don't think you are alone though & that they don't care - as I hear of plenty of extremely rich & famous people for example Paul McCartney & Richard Branson - who's children have gone out to earn a living of their own without depending on their rich parents. Even Sting was quoted to have said he intends spending all his wealth rather than leaving it to his children, allegedly!!

Just because people have money - don't think it's a given that you should have it too. Yes your friends may have been bought this and that - but people like that are few and far between - concentrate on your own life & you may end up better off than your friends one day.

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