A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, hope someone can tell me why men are so confusing?!! I went on a date two weeks ago with a co-worker. I've liked him for a while, but was badly hurt last year so this is the first person I've actually wanted to date. We had an amazing date, literally laughed all the way through, he walked me home, we kissed and he text me later saying how much he enjoyed. He even told a guy friend of his that we'd been out and were arranging to go again. We were texting back and fore to arrange the second date and carried on flirting in work. It was my birthday shortly after but I didn't mention it. He went out on the weekend before and was messaging saying he missed me. However, he found it was my bday and since then hes been really distant. He leaves like 6 hours between texts which I wouldn't mind as I'm used to being on my own, but I just find it really rude and infuriating. Then yesterday, my mates told me to stop being stubborn and that its not needy to text him first. I text asking if he'd had a good weekend. He ignored the text and hasn't bothered with me at all. I just don't understand why he doesn't just tell me if hes not interested!!! Would stop me worrying as this has happened to me a few times before. My auntie came over yesterday and told me that i'm beautiful inside and out (family love ay!) but I just don't get why this is happening. I'm independent, I never smother him and we get on amazingly. What is his problem?!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): He has given up on you.Who knows why,maybe he thought you would invite him out on your birthday or at least mention it beforehand. He has dated you but doesn't want a second date now,if he did he would have asked you out before 2 weeks.
Your beautiful inside and out remember, so get out there and date,his loss.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Sounds like you went cold first OP.
Think of it this way. You go on a date with someone, you make a big effort, it goes great and you arrange to meet again. But guess what, she won't text first for some reason, which is weird OP because you work with him, so the only time you have contact is when you make the move. You can send a text first too but you wait a whole two weeks before you even bother. Then there's birthday thing, you had a really great date, really took the time to talk and have a lovely time, flirting in work, lots of lovely drunken texts and you didn't even mention your birthday was coming up in all that time. A guy you're supposed to like and want, you didn't even bother telling him about a major event in your life. You didn't have to invite him, but it still would have been nice to know.
You're playing games OP and frankly if I was him I'd think you were blowing hot and cold and I'd stop bothering too.
It's been two weeks since your date and you've been working with him for a while now, yet you seem to want him to make all the moves to the point where you seem cold and you haven't even asked him another date.
That would be my take, but there could be any number of other reasons. Maybe he met someone else that night he was out, maybe he's realized dating colleagues is really stupid, who knows?
He ignored your text, I'd take that as a clear indication he's not bothered anymore and move on.
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A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (19 February 2013):
Dear OP,I don't think most men are confusing at all. They are confusing because we do know what they think. The best way to stop being confused is to ask him why he so indifferent to you now. Why don't you suggest a friendly outing like having coffee and talk about it? There is no harm in asking. At least you know what he is thinking or what has happened in between to have him changed his behaviour towards you. Then you can decide whether you should proceed with the friendship.I hope more people would start communicating with one another than making mere assumption based on their actions. Only start being confused when what they say is different or opposite of their actions. You seemed to be a great person, so go find out. If he is not interested anymore, it is his loss. I am sure there are many guys out there who would be very fortunate to have you as a girlfriend.Good luck dear!!!! xxxxp/s : Listen to Janniepeg too, she is one who advises well with great insights.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I don't think the problem is that you didn't mention your birthday but it was like a dilemma. This is a guy you barely know for 2 weeks. To talk about birthdays he will be pressued to buy you a gift when he's basically a stranger. Not talking about it, it's like you don't include him in your life, you hide things from him. Thinking over what I had done in the past, what you did was understandable and he has no reason to get mad over this. He could have just wished you happy birthday and loosen things up rather than assuming you went to have your party of your own and messing with other guys, completely forgetting about him.
Sometimes dates simply don't work out and you never get to know their reasoning. I don't get that over worry about being smothering thing. I have dated over a decade. There were flakes of course, but the ones who stuck with me enough to be in a relationship were happy to be in touch a few times a day. A person in love and wants to love will not feel smothered. Both men and women need space. There is no need to for this awkwardness about asking and taking space.
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