A
male
age
41-50,
*amitri
writes:Hi folks. This is my first post here in about five years ago, when I split up with my ex.Here I am again in a similar situation although now I have three beautiful children to add to the equation . I'm absolutely gutted! We have been together for over 4 years and have known each other since primary school. We got back in touch in 2008 and things started off great! Amazing! I k we I had met my dream partner. She was awesome! Since then we have bad our ups and downs, lots of arguments becoming more frequent. We havent argued for a couple of months now but this morning , out of the blue, I get a text message from her saying that she isn't in love with me anymore. Words can't describe how I feel. It's like my heart has been torn out and there is just an empty aching wound. It's like nothing else. I feel so unbelievably low and this is only day 1.I remember how this site and the people who contribute to it helped me after my last relationship disaster so naturally I've come DI Ning back. I know that this isn't a question as such, rather a journal of my pain.My biggest fear is losing the closeness to my babies. I love my kids more than anything and I'm terrified of how things will be once I'm living alone :(.I fully intend to spend all of my time off work with my kids Nd conti he to provide for them and I am assured that this will be amicable and I will get to see them as often as I like.I would be interested to hear from anyone who has been through or is going through the same or anyone who has any words of encouragement for me.I'm an emotional wreck at the moment and I'm dreading goi g to bed and turning the lights off because I know I won't be a me to sleep. Unfortunately, I need to though as I have work tomorrow and life goes on.Thanks for reading this. It means a lot to me.
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male
reader, Jamitri +, writes (21 February 2013):
Jamitri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you reply. It really lifted my spirits. It was just the sort of inspiration I was looking for. My sole concern is the welfare if my kids and my determination to spend as much time with them as possible so as to leave them in no doubt that I will always be there for them. It's so hard for me to just now with having to put worry to the back of my mind and deal with my feelings of rejection and isolation, but I am driven to come out of this a better person and stronger individual for my babies.
Thank you for taking the time to write that and share your experience so very confused .
A
male
reader, Jamitri +, writes (21 February 2013):
Jamitri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for you reply. It really lifted my spirits. It was just the sort of inspiration I was looking for. My sole concern is the welfare if my kids and my determination to spend as much time with them as possible so as to leave them in no doubt that I will always be there for them. It's so hard for me to just now with having to put worry to the back of my mind and deal with my feelings of rejection and isolation, but I am driven to come out of this a better person and stronger individual for my babies.
Thank you for taking the time to write that and share your experience so very confused .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 when my first hubby and I split, it was very amicable.
we had joint custody, he paid a fair amount of child support (and alimony as I was a SAHM at his choosing)
we worked out a fair plan where he saw the boys 2 nights a week after day care for dinner and then they came to me for bed
they spent every other weekend with their dad and then in the summers he had them full time and I had visitation two nights a week and alternate weekends...
the kids are now 26 and 28.... they survived and they are very close to their dad and stepmom.... in fact after a few years their dad took full custody of them as I was not able to raise them myself and he has a new wife...
if you and your ex are amicable and it's working out then that's great.... just know that at least here, child custody, visitation and support payments are fluid and one is not dependent on the other.... and if the plan is not going as you had hoped getting legal advice is never a bad thing...
we thankfully behaved like adults as our only fear was the kids... with no animosity toward the other it's easy to work together to take care of your children.
My ex and I are divorced longer than we were married.... we were always civil and friendly but never friends....
our kids grew up knowing that all their parents loved them
they had mommy, daddy, step mommy grandma, grandma (till she died) stepgrandma, and they have grandpa and step grandpa (the other grandpa also died)
these kids have uncles on mom, dad and step mom side... these kids have more love and extended family than most...
the key here OP is to focus on being there for your kids and that means sometimes being kind to their mom when you want to scream at her....
it will come in time... it will settle down and it will be ok....
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A
male
reader, Jamitri +, writes (20 February 2013):
Jamitri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you for your replies . I trust that she won't break her word and that she will keep our eldest at the same high school. Neither of us could do with in expensive legal bills for things we can sort out amicably and we are keen to stay friends. We have established that we love each other but where I am in love with her, she is no longer in love with me :(.I have been signed off work by the doctor for the short term which will help me kickstart the recovery process. I feel I'm in an enormous amount of shock and I really need to take the bull by the horns and start looking after my own health in a positive way.I've spent yesterday making sure that my close friends and family are aware of the situation and the support I have had has been great. I will get through this but I'm terrified of the road ahead and I need to keep moving positively as I feel incredibly alone just now and still can't come to terms with what has happened.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): "I'm hoping that she sticks to her word and is fair with access.
"We talked about moving forward and we are putting the house up for sale with a view to living seperately. she is going to stay local so that travel to the kids doesn't become expensive."
Unfortunately, you can't trust her to stick to her word, be fair, or stay local so you need to retain an attorney. Since you chose to play house without getting married, you and baby mama have no joint assets to divide and you need court-approved orders of visitatation and child support in place for your and your kids' protection.
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A
male
reader, Jamitri +, writes (19 February 2013):
Jamitri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNight one over. A total of 3-4 hours sleep an my head is pounding and racing with negative thoughts . I need to go get ready for work and get focused . I hate this. Kept hoping this would all be a bad dream :(
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A
male
reader, Jamitri +, writes (19 February 2013):
Jamitri is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply 'amheretohelp' but things are being handled amicably and I'm desperately trying to stay positive. I'm hoping that she sticks to her word and is fair with access.
We talked about moving forward and we are putting the house up for sale with a view to living seperately. she is going to stay local so that travel to the kids doesn't become expensive .
She has a 13 year old daughter from a prior relationship and we have two two boys together (2 years, 5 months). Trust me, I didn't plan on being dumped. I thought my life was complete .
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